I Choose Authenticity Vs. Comparing, Competing & Corroding
Here’s an interesting side effect of walking the Authentic Self journey. As we start to look at the deepest levels of ourselves, we begin to develop the talents of this beautifully gilded knife called Authenticity.
It starts to cut away all the bullsh*t that we’ve ever lived through, seen, felt, experienced — basically, whatever cluster of variables in every which way it can present itself. The more we do the work of staring at the gilded mirror within our Soul, the more we learn from it. The more we learn from it, the more the knife becomes a beautiful warrior’s weapon.
Authenticity does not mean seeing the faults and flaws in only others. That is not what we are discussing here. There is no authenticity in pointing fingers outwards without any effort to make the journey ourselves.
Intuition and discernment are the two gifts that begin growing quite quickly as we start becoming more and more aware of who we really are. As awareness increases, so does the ability to tell the truth.
However, we will never, ever be able to hold on to any form of authenticity if we do not first start taking responsibility for ourselves.
Once we take responsibility for ourselves, we then begin taking ownership of all our actions and choices. Every. Single. Last. One. The sh*tty ones. The not-so-nice ones. The fabulous ones. The amazing ones. The downright mean ones. Everything.
I know that when we are all journeying towards authenticity, we will be in a space where we are able to base any interaction with others on their ability to present as their authentic selves. That includes showing any “flaws” with humble honesty, rather than hiding behind elaborate masks made out of made up bullsh*t. Where we are able to stand exposed before another, stripped down to the barest self we are able to show up as on any given day.
Taking ownership of all our actions is an integral part of the authentic self journey. Tolerance towards any kind of bullsh*t seriously takes a nosedive once we embark on this path, simply because it is not necessary anymore.
If we are not able to contemplate doing any of the above at all, it is good to ask some Why questions.
At the core, why do we pretend to be someone we are not? It is quite likely we may feel that how much we pretend directly correlates to how much we want other people to accept us. We don’t feel good enough to narrate our true stories.
And so we start comparing, competing, and corroding.
When we are in pretense mode, we compare ourselves to the person(s) whose shoes we want to be wearing. Never stopping to understand that this person would have had to take their own journey to get to that exact space where they are right now. In these instances, we fail to look at our own strengths and what makes us special. We think that it would be far better to be like the person we admire.
We compete and put great expectations on ourselves. We then end up putting great expectations on other people.
And when we don’t meet our expectations of self, or others don’t meet the expectations we impose on them, it becomes The Tale of the Great Disappointment that we have essentially created for ourselves.
This is a pattern that keeps emerging and repeating itself. The foundations of this can be found in judgment, as much as we might dislike admitting it to ourselves. Judgment of self is always what causes us to judge others.
When we are in this space of judgment, the way we perceive others is really just a mirror of the way we look at ourselves. We judge others because we are too afraid to look within ourselves at our own bullsh*t that is trying to emerge. Too scared that if we look at it, others will see it too, and judge us we are judging them! A pattern that we all help each other create.
A severe lack of discernment will mean that when we start becoming unhappy at the repeating scenarios in our lives, we will just look at the actors that enact the screenplay in this particular scene, never once thinking to look at the dynamics of the script itself.
At this point, we begin to start corroding. The envious vibes that become so necessary to inflate that balloon of comparison start to eat away at the spirit within. The expectations that we place on self and others place a heavy burden on the same spirit. It begins to create deep unhappiness that spills over into other areas of our life. We don’t feel good enough so we start urging others to be better.
Sometimes we do this by pointing out all their flaws and making them feel as small as possible. Our children, spouses, co-workers, neighbours … no one will ever be good enough because we are not good enough.
When they get to the point where they don’t feel good enough, the cycle begins again. Compare, compete, and corrode.
Albert Einstein once wrote, “Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.”
The question I have for you at this point of our journey together is, “What is your genius?”
Something has got to give here. There will always be actors on that stage and yet, the only performance we can ever change is our own. If we don’t like the performance we are in, we can move. Take part in another one. Write our own. Co-produce with another. Write one with ten or twenty other like-minded people.
If we will not look within to our true selves, then we will continue to make up all sorts of bullshit and present our fake selves to the world. However, here’s the real kicker about presenting this façade to the world. Since this is not our natural state of being, that gilded mirror within your soul will start projecting what you are outward. And you begin to call in to you the fellow actors that match the performance sheet and script that you are holding and enacting in your hands right now.
So if you ever wonder why you attract the same kind of actors to you, I would like to tell you today that it has nothing to do with the role players that surround you. You completely have the ability to change this. However, everything starts from within. It starts the moment we decide to take responsibility for ourselves.
Behold the gilded mirror inside, the window to the soul within.
For more self-study, The Urban Howl recommends 52 Ways to Live a Kick-Ass Life: BS-Free Wisdom to Ignite Your Inner Badass and Live the Life You Deserve.
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