By Krissy VanAlstyne HOLY FIRE

It’s Not You — It’s The Parts Of Himself He Has Yet To Get Real With

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BY KRISSY VANALSTYNE

It was not you he lied to when those untruthful words left his mouth — it was his own self he was being dishonest with. And you were the reflection, the invite, and the space for that truth to be seen in.

It was not you he pulled away from when he rejected your love — it was the parts inside of him that he doesn’t understand how to be with yet, let alone love. And you were the reflection, the invite, and the space for that truth to be seen in.

It was not you he couldn’t handle the shadow parts of — it was his own dark bits he has yet to learn to be with, to bring his light to. And you were the reflection, the invite, and the space for that truth to be seen in.

It was not your lack of sacred worth he put into question when he chose to turn to another in disloyal ways — it was his inability to know and be loyal to his own sacred worth. And you were the reflection, the invite, and the space for that truth to be seen in.

It was not you he cheated and short-changed by being emotionally dishonest with — it was his own growth and experience that he needed fast, not loving, solutions to. And you were the reflection, the invite, and the space for that truth to be seen in.

It was not you or your body he objectified or seemed to lack the ability to emotionally bond and connect with — it was the parts of himself that he disassociated with, not seeing his full humanness, somewhere learning to view people as things, an avoidance of feeling. And you were the reflection, the invite, and the space for that truth to be seen in.

It was not you he sexually needed to feel powerful over and wanted to demean in questionable ways — it was the subconscious of a man carrying mother wounds acting themselves out in ways to be heard, to be loved, to be healed. And you were the reflection, the invite, and the space for that truth to be seen in.

It was not you he tells “you’re overreacting” to when you express strong feelings — it was the disconnection to what he feels and his inability to express that which he suppresses that makes him unable to appreciate your connection to how deeply you feel. And you were the reflection, the invite, and the space for that truth to be seen in.

It was not you who was to blame for his choices or behavior despite what he said — it was the parts of himself that he has yet to get real with and take full responsibility for. And you were the reflection, the invite, and the space for that truth to be seen in.

It was not you he was angry with — it was the space inside him that he didn’t know how to be with when you set boundaries which highlighted the lack of his. And you were the reflection, the invite, and the space for that truth to be seen in.

It was not you he wanted to control, although subconsciously he tried to in subtle, yet obvious ways — it was the parts of him that still felt out of control, from a past we do not know, that he isn’t able to see yet and take his control back within healed ways. And you were the reflection, the invite, and the space for that truth to be seen in.

It was not you who was too much, showing up in all of who you were before him — it was his own multi-dimensional self that he has yet to fully explore, know, and support on his own. And you were the reflection, the invite, and the space for that truth to be seen in.

It was not you who scared him and who he walked away from — it was himself, his own fears of the invitation to be more, to vibrate higher, to step into a more whole experience that you brought out of him to face. And you were the reflection, the invite, and the space for that truth to be seen in.

It is not you — and it is not any of us.

We are not to blame for how anyone shows up or doesn’t in our life.

We are not to blame for how we are treated, viewed or met, in someone else’s reality.

We are simply the reflection, the invite, and the space for all truth, especially that which is hidden in the subconscious, to be lovingly seen.

So be the reflection, be the invite, and be the space for all hearts’ truth to be seen in, and remember these words whenever we might want to ever believe otherwise.

For more self-study, The Urban Howl recommends The Universe Has Your Back: Transform Fear to Faith.

Sip a little more:

It Is Time To See That You’re Worth Way More Than What You’ve Settled For

What Is Meant For Me Will Not Make Me Feel Like A Maybe

Dear Healing Hearts — This One Is For You!

Kate Joyner - The Urban Howl

#ITSNOTYOU

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Krissy VanAlstyne

Krissy VanAlstyne is a fiery force. One who shows up intimately transparent in her truth, inspiring others to do the same. She does so in her private life, through her writing, and in her heart's earthly work, as a Life Coach. Krissy offers soul-level support, and guidance to those aligning with their deepest truths, exploring their darkest shadows, and who are experiencing the painful dismantling that comes with awakening. She's a woman on a soul-driven mission, an invite back to all we have ever forgotten—that we are love, that we are truth, and that we are powerful beyond our wildest dreams. She knows we are all here for great purpose, and reminds us of this knowing in the mesmerizingly complex simplicity that she continues to stand in—the fire that is her. Find her on Facebook and Instagram.

  1. This is amazing and it brings me to a place of refection and a place of responsibility, as I am been in the shoes of he whom you speak of.

  2. Thank you Krissy for this beautifully soulful reflection of my experience. I knew it was not me, I knew, really knew, yet….

    Reading and contemplating this wisdom is a salve to my deeper healing. And expanding compassion. For her, and for myself…

    I am a garden of Love

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