For so many years of my life, I wondered when I would feel normal. When would be the day that I would wake up and experience life as I perceived most did? When would I fit in? When would I enjoy living in this world? When would I have enough confidence to pursue my dreams? When would I know what my dreams were? When would I know who I was?
The anxiety of these questions hummed in my body, often blocking out the sounds of my own heartbeat. It’s nearly impossible for me to express in words how I felt. It was as though I was continually held underwater just a little bit too long. There was the constant gut-wrenching sensation of gulping for air, of grasping at nothing I could hold onto to gain leverage in my world. I felt like I was being suffocated by my own thoughts — because I was.
I share these experiences for I know now that I was never alone, that there are many who feel like I did.
There are many days still when I look around myself and wonder, “What has happened to our world? Why is there so much fighting, dissent, anger, violence, tragedy, and hopelessness? Why are we so determined to destroy life when we are meant to be living it? Why are we teaching our children to fall into line rather than think for themselves? Why are so many hungry when there is such an abundance of natural resources for us to share? Why do we not provide medical treatment to those who need it rather than those who can afford it? Why? Why? Why?”
It is true. All of this is happening. And this is exactly what the media and big business and the government want you to focus on. While we are busy worrying about the problems, we are not concentrating on solutions. When we are stressed about lack of, we fail to witness the infinite bounty that nature ceaselessly provides. While we are paralysed by fear we relinquish our freedom to be and this is what makes it possible for us to be convinced that we are doomed. But, this is not true.
Today, take a good look around you, wherever you are. Pay attention to how you feel about your life. Are you living where you want to be? Are you living how you long to live? Do you engage in the activities that you desire to? Do you have the relationships that you yearn for? Is there a purpose to your activities or are you just on rote, living a routine rather than a life?
Most of us have been hoodwinked into the false notion that having stuff is what generates happiness. This is the most grandiose lie of all and it’s the main source of misery for ourselves and our planet.
There is always hope! Yes, it’s true. We just need to remember that life is not about shopping or having or wanting. It is about giving.
When we finally get this, when we determine to live in love rather than fear, everything will change. When we understand that absolutely everything happening in our world is a result of what we believe, we will become very mindful of the thoughts we think and those we choose. When we learn that loving ourselves is truly honouring every other soul that is — we will make this our highest priority. Self-love is literally devotion to dignity — for all.
I know this to be true for I have been (and still slip back into this space) in that place of infinite darkness, where I could find nothing about myself to love. Once this shifted, so too, did my entire world. This is true for each of us. Make it your daily practice to build yourself up rather than tear yourself down. Focus on your attributes. Be fearless in giving and receiving love.
When enough of us get to this point, we will have peace on earth. We must simply remember that everything happening within, will at some point, manifest without.
For more self-study, The Urban Howl recommends The Universe Has Your Back: Transform Fear to Faith.
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