By Anna Schoener NEW MAGIC

Set Fire To Your Heart—Light Yourself Up & Stay In The Way Of Love

By Anna Schoener

For the first time in my life, I didn’t run away. I felt a knife pierce my heart, and in that moment, I chose to stay. I remember my inner dialogue all too clearly, arguing back and forth. Then there it was from deep inside my soul, stay.


It took a while to start feeling any… well, anything. And then I felt them come on all at once. The demons I’d been running from my entire life. Whether it was through a new belief system, moving to another city, or traveling the world, almost every decision I had ever made came from a place of survival.


I heard it over and over again, telling me to feel every single ounce of my pain and trauma. I felt abandonment, grief, humiliation, and depreciation.

It swallowed me up like an animal, forcing me to set my soul on fire, over and over again. Because that it? Isn’t it? Isn’t it the point of it all, to be willing to shed our skin constantly, whether it’s humbling ourselves enough to take responsibility for the way we feel, the choices we’ve made, or simply allowing our hearts to break wide open?


This process of dying again and again may look, and feel, like self-destruction. I believe that enlightenment, awareness, wisdom, whatever we are looking for, is found inside our self-destruction. The challenge is to stay with it.

Sitting with our demons is both the most difficult and most necessary thing we could ever do for ourselves. It’s also one of the boldest ways to show ourselves love.

So love yourself enough to self-destruct, and sit with the feelings you most want to forget about.


Sometimes the hardest part is admitting to ourselves that we need to set fire to our hearts. I’ll start: I’m broken, shattered even. But right now, I vow to light myself up.

The more times I recognise this about myself, and choose the fiery path, I see the parts that are truly me. And they stay. This is the process of shedding old skin. What is truly a part of us—the things we really need and things that make us ‘us’—will never leave.

So burn it all up and do it in the way of love. For love equals humanness and that is something I do not want to forsake.


Our demons will chase us until we acknowledge them. I thought I could run my past clean, but life keeps going. No matter how far away we run, life will keep going. What kind of life would it be to feel nothing, or to hide away in constant fear of the things that make us human? It doesn’t matter how far we go or how long we’re gone, we simply cannot outrun our brokenness.


Let’s allow our shattered selves to be where they are. What a beautiful thing it is to self-destruct, no matter how loudly or quietly we choose. Break yourself open in order to let your light in, your light. Not mine, not your partner’s, but your very own. For the light that heals us, that allows us to stay in these moments that we so badly want to run away from, can come from one place alone. And that is ourselves.


I choose to stay from here on out. I will let life break me open to dig up all the barriers I’ve set for myself. I choose to look to myself for all of the love and acceptance I need. Lastly, I choose to love the shit out of myself, unconditionally. Whether I am collapsed on the floor crying or dancing on top of the world, I will love my demons, my brokenness, the wild, and extraordinary me.


For more self-study, The Urban Howl recommends Love Yourself Like Your Life Depends On It.



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Anna Schoener

Anna is part lake mermaid, part warrior princess, complete Wild Woman. A true Gemini, who she is changes from moment to moment. She’s real. Sarcastic. Uncensored. Messy. Human. Anna loves wildflowers, sunshine, burritos, and wine. She wants to try everything at least once; to soak up as much beauty as she can and exhale it back out. Her mission is to make you smile and laugh and remind you how fucking awesome you are. Yes, You.

  1. Tanya Markul

    Yay, mermaid! Loving you here and your gorgeous medicine! Thank you! XOXO #STAY


    So very eloquently written, this is “exactly” what it’s like to face ones brokenness and stand firm in Love. I was just telling a friend last week that I ran for a long time, from the time I was 14-15 till 5 or 6 yrs ago, I’m now 48. There comes a time when one has to stop running and face it all – the good, the bad and the oh so ugly before healing on a deeper level. The saga continues…

    Thank You for expressing this process so vividly!

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