An Ode To My Inner Black Sheep: Because I Love Me More When I Abide With My Truths

By Erdinc Raim

In the back of my mind, I always knew I was different from everyone in my family, and most of my friends at school. In fact, most of the people I had ever met back then… I was the black sheep, I would say.

But really, I was a rainbow coloured fluorescent hummingbird freakin’ unicorn in disguise!

God knows I tried to fit it for many years. Tried to control everything I did so I didn’t stick out. I controlled how I smiled. How I dressed. How I walked. How I acted. How I spoke. How I played. How I danced. How I ate!

I tried to do the right thing. Education. Job. Money. House. Blah!

I was never doing it for me.

The moment my life started, was the moment I started listening to what I truly desired. What I truly wanted.

Not because anyone loves me more if I do things in a certain way, but because I love me more when I do things that abide with my nature and my inborn gifts.

Not forcing the lion into a birdcage, but unleashing the force within me, to run wild and free.

I can’t say that the pull of the past doesn’t still catch up on me. Some patterns are hard to let go of. And I don’t always get support from everyone that’s in my life. Sometimes that is the hardest thing to accept. But the gift of loving myself, and going for what I believe to be true, and serving the world in the way that I can serve it best, is worth that pain.

I dedicate my life to serving the truth within me, as it unfolds. And on this path I encourage anyone who desires to do so, to also seek out their’s.

When we all meet like this, in the heart of our truth, we stand stronger.

When we are blind to see the beauty in ourselves, and others path, we are at war!

It starts with forgiveness. Then acceptance. Then surrender. Then ecstasy.

For more self-study, The Urban Howl recommends Love Yourself Like Your Life Depends On It.