Looking for some guiding wild wisdom…
Howl for me, Wolf-Woman!
I have recently begun to honour my inner wild, and my new spiritual path has quite clearly illuminated my purpose. I have never before been as certain as I am now about my work as a life coach, and I have taken steps toward building a business that is authentically my own and speaks to my wild heart. I have already had a surprising level of financial success in just a few months, and, while I’m working harder than I ever have in my whole life, I have never been so fulfilled in my work.
My present issue is this: While I feel like I’m on fire with so much passion and purpose, my longtime lover and life partner has not been at all supportive. I am used to her holding me up, but all I am feeling right now is jealousy, skepticism, and a high level of neediness… All of this is highly out-of-character for her. We have talked about it, even gone to therapy, but the more successful, motivated, and HAPPY I am in my work, the more negativity she is showing me. I feel now I must choose between my work and my love, and either choice will make me ultimately resentful. When we are together now, most of the time but not all of the time, I want to be alone. I have no real question but am just looking for some guiding wild wisdom now as my work flourishes but my relationship suffers.
A Priestess in pain
☾ ✩ ☾ ✩ ☾
At no other time of year is the collective feminine mourning greater than mid-Autumn.
The high-fire, outward energy flow of the Summer season, associated with the middle chakras as well as the Mother phase of the Triple Goddess, gives way to the intuitive, wise, etheric Crone energy during the Season of the Witch. The feminine in everyone craves sacred solitude now; it is a time of holy grief, and relationships do commonly suffer with the changes emergent during and after the birth of the Harvest Moon in September.
Not knowing the exact nature of your sacred work, I am still bowing to you for finding a purpose that nourishes you so wholly. Close examination of what has died, what you have so bravely sacrificed in order for this new purpose to shine through and forth, may serve you well now as the November Ancestors’ Moon waxes. Very likely there were parts of your old identity that had to be slayed and put in the ground before this new, so-purposed Self could be born, and your lover may, understandably, be fearful that she has lost the one she loves so deeply; that is, it is the face of the old version of yourself your lover expects to see, but, instead, there is a newer, vibrant, discerning, and determined face she sees instead. While I cannot claim to know how she is perceiving your work or your relationship, I can say with certainty that it is human to be jarred when your partner suddenly changes, even if those changes come with considerable trust and reassurance that the relationship is still valued.
To speak to your point about wanting to be alone, I encourage you to honor that desire now. Even the strongest relationships can be shaken to their foundations during Autumn, and it often serves both partners to understand that the outmoded aspects of the relationship may need to be carved out, sometimes with all the surgical precision you can muster, so the Love can endure while the veil grows thin. At no other time of year are the soft, warm souls of the living so close to death. Those who resonate with the feminine wild want to engage the primal, holy dark. We want to hold hands with death in whatever way we can, despite our socialized fears, and this want often manifests in the slaughter of long-term relationships, indoctrinated beliefs, and the uninitiated ego. In our solitude, we are able to sort out the rotten, the outmoded, and the dead from the freshest soul-food.
When the sacred Wild awakens within a woman, there is a bone-deep ignition that is visible to those who truly know her; it affects everyone differently, but the woman’s romantic partner may be the most threatened by this soul-born transmutation, particularly if they are feeling they are being replaced by a great, cosmic something with which they cannot possibly hope to compete. You, my love, are coming into your power. You are hand-painting the bright, dazzling, eclectic life you want for yourself. Ask yourself: Does your lover have a place in your masterpiece? If she is open to it, ask her for what her soul most deeply longs in the quietest moments when she is alone. Her sudden animosity may be stemming from an in-the-blood yearning for her own sacred work to be known, activated, and made sustainable; whatever gaps exist between her current work and her true work are now constantly, perhaps painfully visible as she sees her own seemingly unreachable dreams played out within the life of her own lover.
The wild woman demands to be heard. She needs no external validation, but she will grow intolerant of a partner who consistently fails to understand her work is a conversation with the Mystery, a holy benediction in its own right. She does not need a partner who actively participates in her work, as everyone’s purpose is uniquely their own, but will protect her work as a mother protects a child; anything that continues to threaten it will be dealt with using whatever level of ferocity she deems necessary.
The Autumn months are a time for deep inquiry, ancestral communion, and severance. If she allows it, compassionately communicate with your partner, voicing your feelings and expressing your needs but allowing her to do the same. Write a letter to an ancestor in spirit asking for guidance if that feels right, releasing it to the Mystery in a ritual burning, then look to your own psychic underbelly for answers. If your work is truly your purpose in this life, then you are in no danger of jeopardising it. Similarly, if you are meant to remain with your lover, your work will in no way threaten the integrity of your relationship; it may well transmute it within the crucible of blessed change, but it will not weaken the bond.
The wild in us knows that change is constant and inevitable, but we still often look to our partners to remain rocksteady. The holy feminine calls us to see in the dark, to not mistake personal change with untrustworthiness, and to give ourselves permission to have an entirely new relationship with the same person if both partners are so called; this, of course, requires shared values and a common vision for the relationship, but it does not require either partner sacrifice any part of what s/he knows to be true for his/her soul, body, mind, or spirit.
The sacred work of a wild woman is an act of self, communal, and global worship; it cannot be divorced from her dynamic sensuality, ever-evolving spirituality, or generative creativity. It is not only a part of her but an integral thread in the cosmic web of the new world she is breathing into being. She makes no soul-invalidating apologies for it, and she writes her own permission slips. The Wolf-Woman inside you is howling in celebration so loudly, seeking to drown out any words of “skepticism” or “jealousy,” but, soon, she will demand to be heard and seen. How many opportunities you allow your partner to offer you this well-deserved support is entirely your decision, but, at some point, the untamed one who knows her worth will no longer put up with the denigration of her purpose.
The wild in me honors the wild in you, my love. I recommend reading The Three Marriages by David Whyte for insight on balancing a partnership with work and that with another person and Mysteries of the Dark Moon by Demetra George for more information about the Autumn season and the fallow, dark times.
Many bone-rattling howls to you,
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