The Wild Will Never Sin Against Itself
Howl for me, Wolf-Woman!
I’ve been working on myself for a long time and I feel like I’ve reached a cross roads of sorts — of feeling like I have to decide between my old friends and a new life. It seems like the changes I’ve made have triggered some of my close friends, in a not so great way. I feel judged and often alone. I’m left feeling like the odd one out and will often make excuses to not meet up, which upsets them and I feel guilty after, and just out of place. I don’t want to be alone, but I also don’t want to stop the inner work I am doing. Any advice would be appreciated.
— Lonely Wolf Girl
☾ ✩ ☾ ✩ ☾
You are describing one of the greatest challenges an awakening wild woman faces, and I will offer you all the medicine I have to support you in this arduous work. You are blessed to have reached a point in your life where your soul’s path is the only one you could possibly take. When we are younger, our fragile, still developing identities become so enmeshed with those of our friends, our family members, our lovers, and the social institutions which have shown us acceptance, for better or worse, that we undergo a decades-long soul-burial. The truest parts of you have always been there, warm beneath the fertile soil in which your ego is so firmly rooted, but, in coming to know your untamed nature in this “new life” you describe, your deep self is now sprouting forth.
Your ego is the part of yourself you show the world, and it is an integral and necessary part of your wild nature.
Your ego is every role with which you identify, every aspect of your sacred work, and every personality trait you possess and reflect back to others. As the wild woman undergoes what I call the “Great Unlearning,” she begins to carve out more and more false roles in order to make room for her soul to erupt from the shadows into the light of day.
As we evolve, we stop making apologies for those soulful traits we learned to suppress during childhood in order to be accepted; for women, this is very often our primal feminine nature, our wildness, our authentic voice, and our cyclical rhythms.
Those in your inner circle knew exactly what to expect from their old friend who was comparatively tame, reliable, and even-keeled, but this innovated version of you has caught them completely off-guard. Quite understandably, they may be shaken by this soulful wolf-girl who is claiming her right to sacred solitude, for they have no box to put her in. No label suits her, and everyone’s logical left brain struggles when it has no name for what it is encountering. Human beings can literally only see what they can understand, and it is the masculine nature in all of us, regardless of gender, that wants to predict, strategize, fragment, and label.
The suppression of the feminine in our human society has an often overlooked symptom that affects our relationships, and it is this: Despite all evidence to the contrary, despite the holy infusion of the cosmic feminine divine in all things, we expect those we love to remain static and immutable. Our patriarchal society’s birth was bloody, and the bone-deep knowing of our continual, cyclical nature and the spiral dance of time was sacrificed in the name of power and property. Human beings have sunk their swords, their bullets, and their bombs deep into the Mother’s belly. We have all been orphaned by Her loss, and our relationships have suffered greatly in innumerable ways; and yet, the expectation that other people in our lives should remain exactly the same- physically, emotionally, spiritually, and otherwise- has perhaps done the greatest damage.
Any long-term relationship’s survival depends critically on countless deaths and rebirths. It depends on a total surrender to the impermanence of all things. In a circle of friends, when one changes significantly, the others must acknowledge that the friendship in its old form has essentially died.
If the friendship is to be reborn, there must be a loud, group-wide validation of the new one as she names herself now.
In the absence of this, the relationship will not go on; this is not necessarily because the circle will not condone it, but because the one claiming greater, broader soulful authenticity will no longer tolerate being put into the too-small box where she used to be quite comfortable.
The Lilith archetype speaks to your situation, as she is the part of the wild woman who, when faced with the grave injustice of her soul’s invalidation, will spread her black wings and take to the skies. Lilith has no desire to stay in the confining garden and try to fix the injustice from the inside; she simply yearns for liberation, and she will risk social isolation willingly and unapologetically in order to live her own life. You are Lilith now, my love, and no garden will contain you.
You have a right to sacred solitude, to stillness, and, most importantly, to be truly seen. You will find, as I have, that the more your soul integrates with your ego, the less you will care about social acceptance. Those who can see the beauty of your red, raw soul as it breaks through the ground and wraps its blood-dripped vines around your awakening ego will be part of your new tribe. Even if this new group of friends is comprised of those from your circle before your awakening, it will still be a total relationship renovation because you have changed so significantly; those who are up to the task will embrace your hellfire with all the compassion they have, so do not fear this short and necessary time of solitude.
Lastly, let me say that we are entering the phase of the 13th moon, the last lunar cycle before the Winter Solstice, and at no other time of year do we wild women yearn to be alone so greatly. We are in the void, and resistance to the call to be still, quiet, and alone can cause considerable depression and/or anxiety. Accept this time as your depths, that pause at the end of the exhale before the next in-breath, our psychic dark moon. Accept yourself now unconditionally. Applaud your wild worth, and, just maybe, stop making “excuses” and let your friends hear your true voice. While I do not believe we should ever apologise for our soulful integration, I do believe we owe it to our friends and our partners to show up in every relationship as authentically as possible. I also believe that every soul, in its rawest form, is kind, and, if it is truly a soulful trait that is being harvested and showing itself to the light, it will not behave maliciously; that is not to say your soul’s authenticity can do no harm.
To be wild is to be liberated, cyclical, and emotionally intelligent. The wild will never sin against itself, and that means you will find you cannot go back to an older, smaller version of you.
You can, however, be as honest as you can be. Tell your friends you have the right to give yourself your own name now, and they can accept you or watch you close the door. If every human being on our blessed planet was allowed to not only be who they truly are in the depths of their soul but be seen and acknowledged for their authenticity, unique purpose, and perfect passions, we would know that our Mother has come home.
I recommend reading Mysteries of the Dark Moon by Demetra George for information on Lilith’s story and this dark moon time of year.
Even in your solitude, Wolf-Girl, know that many are howling with you and for you. You are not alone, for you are part of a great, global coven forged in the womb-crucible of humanity’s current volatility. You are still being birthed into being, my love, as am I, as are we all.
All blessings be,
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Sip a little more from Danielle’s medicine:
➵ Witch, Howl Moonward:
The Timely Salve Of The Dark Primal Feminine
For more self-study, The Urban Howl recommends Leaving My Father’s House: A Journey to Conscious Femininity.