By Andrew Harvey MIND RISE

Evolutionary Relationships: The Seven Requirements Of Love

By Andrew Harvey

An Excerpt From “Evolutionary Love Relationships: Passion, Authenticity,and Activism

It is critical to remember that this crisis we are facing is a crisis in which the sacred powers of love in the human soul are being diverted by distraction, by greed, by ignorance, by the pursuit of power, so that they never irrigate the world and transform it. What is needed is a vision of evolutionary relationship as a relationship that helps us come into the real, take responsibility for it, and enact our sacred purpose with a partner, and for the world: when two lovers come together in this dynamic love consciousness, they create a transformative field of sacred energy, from which both can feed to inspire their work in reality.

There are seven requirements necessary, I believe, for this tremendously potent vision of evolutionary love to emerge in the world.

The first requirement is that both beings need to be plunged individually into a deep and passionate devotion of the Beloved, by whatever name they know the Beloved, because without both beings centering their life in God, the relationship will never be able to escape the private circle. From the very beginning it must be centered in the Divine. It must be a relationship that is undertaken in the conscious presence of the Divine for the Divine’s great work in the Universe. Only a relationship that is centered in God, and that has God as the prime actor in the relationship, will be able to bear the vicissitudes of authentic love, of dealing with the challenges of life and service in the world.

The second requirement for an evolutionary love is that both beings must develop a mastery of solitude. In his Letters to a Young Poet, Rilke wrote:

“Authentic love is where two solitudes border, protect, and salute each other.”

They “border” each other, they don’t infiltrate each other’s domain. They “protect” because they realize that the solitude that each one has is the source of inner wealth and inner revelation; they “salute” because they understand that the work of solitude, the work that goes into solitude, the heart work, the yearning, the longing, the deep contemplation of one’s gifts and one’s faults, is a sacred work that is the secret foundation of healthy relationship. In too many relationships in our current narcissistic model, what threatens the person most is the solitude of the other. In a true evolutionary relationship, what can exhilarate one person the most is the other’s solitude, because they know that solitude has the potential to make them a billionaire of generosity, of insight, and of creativity.

The third requirement is that in a true evolutionary relationship there is an equality of power, and that equality is born out of a profound experience of the sacredness and dignity of the other person’s soul. This new relationship that is trying to be given to us by the Mother is what I call the beloved-beloved relationship. One person isn’t the beloved and the other only the lover. Both partners recognize in each other the unique face that God is turning to them in order to bring them the essence of divine truth, which is embodied love. From that recognition of each other as the Beloved flows a natural movement of passionate honoring and service of the other’s life. This gives each person the freedom and the energy and the joy that they need to go out into the world and fulfill their destiny. This is crucial because in the past there has been a vision of inequality of power.

The male has often had the power and the female hasn’t. Dominant and submissive roles between two people have been seen as inevitable.

Now what’s emerging is the mutual recognition of holiness and sacredness expressed in tantric rapture, in an adoration and worship of the other in the core of life.

The fourth requirement follows on from the third: if you are going to have a beloved-beloved relationship, you have to center your whole being and work and evolution in God. You have to be a master of your own solitude so that you can work on what is necessary to deepen that sacred relationship of the Divine. You must also bring the sacred practice of prayer and meditation into the very core of your life, so that the whole relationship can be enfolded in a mutually shared sacred enterprise.

The fifth requirement is that both lovers completely abandon any Hollywood sentimentality about what relationships actually are. As love becomes more evolutionary and conscious, so does each lover’s understanding of each other’s shadow. One of the essential roles of this new love is to make each person in the relationship the safe-guarder of the other’s shadow—not the judge of the other’s shadow, not the denier of the other’s shadow, but someone who recognizes where the other has been wounded, and safeguards and protects them with unconditional compassion without allowing themselves to be mauled or manipulated by the other. This takes an immense effort, because it takes an immense effort to understand your own shadow, and an even greater effort to face and comprehend, without illusion, denial or repulsion, the shadow of the other.

The sixth requirement is that if you are going to enter into the evolutionary process, you have to accept that it never ends, never stops unfolding.

There is no end to transformation, because divine love is infinite.

Evolution is fundamentally a death/rebirth cycle that repeats itself in higher and higher dimensions, and any authentic evolutionary relationship must have the courage to go through the deaths that engender the rebirths. Marion Woodman, the great Jungian analyst and pioneer of the sacred feminine, said to me, “I have had four marriages with my husband, and at the end of each marriage there was a crisis that we had to make the commitment to go through, a projection that had to die. But we stuck at it and we went through it, and the love that we know now in our eighties is the greatest and deepest love we have experienced.”

The seventh principle requirement is that from the very beginning of this adventure into evolutionary love you must make the commitment for it not to be just a personal orgy, a cultivation of an oasis of private pleasure. You must engage consciously in this relationship to make you stronger, to serve the planet, to recognize that it is a relationship not only grounded in God, not only infused by sacred practice, but it is from the very beginning dedicated to making both people more powerful, more reflective, more passionately engaged with the only serious truth of our time: The world is dying, and we need a major revolution of the heart to empower everyone to step forward and start doing the work of reconstruction and re-creation that is now desperately needed.

Andrew is the author of The HopePlay Life More Beautifully and Evolutionary Love Relationships: Passion, Authenticity,and Activism.


  1. Love doesn’t have requirements but to build a conscious loving relationship does.

  2. This is perfect timing
    I just went through a break up with
    My beloved yet she’s not wanting to do the work with me even though I know when we are together we’re more amazing
    She got stuck on #5 requirement and only sees this shadow in me that has wrecked havoc in all my relationships I finally got freed from that distortion of a painful reality. Which was my heart shutting down and from there I became depressed, angry,
    Non loving I get it who wants to be with that person. However this one cracked me open like no other and now I have more energy I’m happier I’m less attached to things that would normally bother me.
    I would love to dive back in with this new fresh life with her she doesn’t believe I really shifted/changed she says she cannot trust me to move forward also she says she has no more desire or feelings for me too.
    Any words of the wise how I might navigate these waters? Thank you so much again for this article really hits home for me.
    Cheers Christian

    • I feel for you.
      Let her miss you.
      No contact.
      In the meantime
      work on yourself.
      Walk your talk.

  3. Know thyself

  4. THIS IS magnificent!!! Bravo!

  5. The 7 requirements of Love should be printed out and posted on everyone’s fridge 🙂 as a daily reminder. May we teach by example.

    Andrew – Thank you.



  6. Marc G Lawson

    How about this: a person who doesn’t need a God to be able to fully love someone probably has a greater capacity to love.

  7. It was absolutely exquisite to read this article! Thank You for putting this out! Every single word touched my heart; it gave me hope that others are coming into this realization about the quality of relationship we can have.

  8. This is one of the most amazing things I have ever read. I’ll save it for the rest of my life. Thank you so much for putting into words what I want to have and be.

  9. So an atheist can’t love?

    • Correct ……. Nooo silly, there are articles about love for atheists, and ones for those who believe in God / a higher power / Spirit.

      Let me start by saying I really appreciate your question – it is a very valid question.

      My point: Just because one person has a perspective on something does not mean that all other perspectives are incorrect. Beyond that you have the opportunity to take what IS applicable/helpful to you from this article. I have certainly read MANY articles written by atheists and gained MUCH from them. Also, I really appreciate your question – it is a very valid question.

    • If u do with your spirit why not dear Wayne… be a shaman u dnt need sterile gods from sterile religion…

    • Mariella

      How about this, atheists are also God, everything is God, no difference between end and beginning. It’s all love!

  10. I would like very much to read your book; have been working out and sharing my own vision actively this year and feel this will contribute something powerful to my own work.

    However–amazon will not accept paypal, and at present, I have nothing else I can use.

    Can you sell me your book as an e-book by means of another vendor who takes paypal?

    Thank you.

  11. interesting. life is progress. we do not always realize the wisdom of our experiences until we have had time to reflect and ruminate. i love the idea of abandoning the narcissistic “typical” love relationship. this makes sense. i have always felt something was a bit “off” in all my relationships.
    moving forward and really loving middle age. the wisdom from many mistakes is quite lovely. be brave and move forward. keep swimming. keep the oxygen moving through your gills.

  12. Woah…

    Thank you.

  13. Just a comment on the first paragraph (I know the first paragraph isn’t the main subject of the article, but feel compelled to comment about this part):
    The author says “What is needed is a vision of evolutionary relationship as a relationship that helps us come into the real, take responsibility for it, and enact our sacred purpose with a partner, and for the world”.
    What is not clear to me is why does the author think that coming into the real and taking responsibility and enacting our sacred purpose, can be done only in the context of a relationship?

    I agree that for some people that is indeed their path, their sacred purpose is inextricably linked to love relationship. It is there that they excavate and manifest their deepest meaning. But that doesn’t seem true for every one. Some are called in a different direction and fulfil their sacred purpose (including expressing love and being loving) in other ways.

    Everyone’s soul-scriptures are unique to their own journey. It seems to me a bit imposing and inconsiderate to declare that all should be following the path of a romantic relationship as the only way for fulfillment.

    That being said, I loved the rest of the article. Especially the second, fifth and sixth parts. If one does find that their true sacred purpose is inextricably linked to love relationship, then I think this article is a great guide.

  14. This is the best article on conscious relationships I have read to date! Amazing! Thanks you!

  15. Simply, but not simple, brilliance😊🙏🏻
    Thank you Mr Harvey! I’m also enjoying your “A Year of Rumi:)”
    Peace and Joy to you in 2019!

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