By Leahanne Woods Smith
I’ve been of the path of self-discovery for a long time. I’ve come to know myself as a warrior. But, one thing that I’ve noticed that I’m shirking away from, is that big buzzword: intention.
Every full moon, new moon, solstice, equinox, new year, and even some occasions in between, we make intentions. But yet, I get this dreaded feeling when someone asks me, “What are your intentions?”
Most spiritual people name their intentions with great pride. Intentions are written on a piece of paper and then burned in the fire to make them more official. “So mote it be,” they say. And it looks like the holy grail of top best things to do for oneself. I’ve watched others get cheered on as they wrote and burned their intentions, but thought, “Shit! I’ve got to make some intentions for myself.”
During these intention making times, I’ve often felt a lack direction in my life — a lack of experience, a lack of confidence, and a fear of change. I knew I needed help. And, I knew that the answers could only come from me.
So, I got quiet. And I dug. I dove into what I love to do, and I asked myself if I really wanted the things I had been trying for, or if I’d been influenced to think I wanted them.
Then, I sunk deeper. I surrendered into my feelings, instead of escaping, and I felt. I felt past the fear. I felt into the reasons I’ve escaped before when I arrived at this point, and I stayed. I stayed with myself in the silence and dark, where it seemed nothing existed. Then, I saw. I saw that I never needed to escape. I saw that this whole journey for me was about seeing me.
It has taken all of what I’ve experienced thus far, to get me here. So that I can free me.
So, I freed myself from feeling like I should be anything. And, it was there that I found what I truly wanted. With no other thing attached, as pure as the silence, I saw that I needed to trust me.
There in that space, my soul told me that I didn’t need to stay so far behind. It told me that not only am I capable, but I was ready to lead. My soul showed me where I was connected to the whole universal intelligence, and where I am able to bring it through, and why I am specifically needed.
I saw where I’d been holding myself back, and how I’d been holding back since I was a child. “Let the adults do it”, they’d say. So never did I try. I got comfortable watching. I looked away when things seemed too challenging. I had always hoped that someone would come direct me eventually. And, it is here is where my lack of self-trust came from!
Here lies the reason that I have been afraid to make intentions for myself!
My soul had been ready to shine, not to impress others, not to be on target with where I’m “supposed” to be, not for any other reason except that it was time. By listening deeply to my soul, she beamed forth like pure ignition of fire.
Now, I understand why we make intentions. We change, like the moon phases. And like the flames of fire, we dance through life, always transforming. Our true desires are revealed to us once we sink deep into our being, and honour ourselves. It is within this place where we can hear our soul say, “Hey! I am powerful! I will create, change, and move in the directions needed to make happiness, beauty and love happen!”
So mote it be.
For more self-study, The Urban Howl recommends The Desire Map: A Guide to Creating Goals with Soul.