Howl For Me Wolf-Woman: The Dark Moon Of New Motherhood
Howl for me, Wolf-Woman!
My husband and I created a daughter, a little girl. She just turned two. My man and I used to have a more active sexual relationship before she arrived into our worlds. We still kiss and cuddle, but the act of having sex right now seems like too much energy-at least it does for me. I’m still breastfeeding, but am asking myself if I am breastfeeding still because my daughter needs/wants it, or if I’m using it as an excuse to not have sex with my man. I love him. I want to be with him, but I feel utterly exhausted and my libido is almost non-existent. I’ve read on different sites that this can be “normal” for some, and I’ve read about other couples being way more sexually active than we are and have even more children than we do. I feel a bit stuck. We have dates. We go on holiday, but when it comes to doing the deed, we just fizzle. It’s been a year, and we’ve had sex. My man wants it, but he doesn’t go after it. Any advice would be appreciated.
Oh, my love! All you are feeling is completely normal, and I was standing right there with you, legs closed tightly and lost in milk-soaked motherhood, eight years ago. Thank you for sharing a problem affecting so many new parents. Your story is her story is my story, and may all women know their bodies as pure, cyclical magick that often demand frigid boundaries as often as sensual touch.
While it may seem to you as if you’ve always had your daughter, you are still a new mother. You carried her in your womb for forty weeks, give or take a few heavy-bellied days, and you are still nursing. She remains very much a part of you, an extension of your sacred maternal heart, and you only have so much stored inside your energetic wells. Every single part of a new mother’s world changes after she gives birth. You couldn’t possibly be the same lover you used to be to your husband, nor he to you, because your entire relationship has been transmuted into something new and unfamiliar.
Your body is, quite of its own volition, putting up some thick walls around itself to keep you from getting pregnant too soon, and, like it or not, this is all an integral part of the feminine cycle. In my experience, there are few worse feelings than forcing yourself to have sex out of new mother guilt. Consider this time in your life a dark moon in your relationship, and use it as a fertile void for shaping the yet-to-come.
Any drastic changes within the context of a relationship require the old dynamic be laid to rest and a new one strategically set in place. Talk with your husband with an open heart about what you both want now. Consider your old relationship dead and gone; grieve for it. Don’t compare yourself to others’ seeming perfection, for you couldn’t possibly know the tribulations they are facing behind closed doors. Give yourself permission to feel exactly as you feel. Burn your guilt. You are the cyclical feminine embodied in the soft skin of a woman, and you are allowed to demand a different kind of intimacy.
I nursed both of my boys until they were nearly three, and I can say I did not truly crave the touch of any lover’s hand for at least two years after they were born. The intimacy you have with your babe, exhausted in the dark and lost in her wide eyes, consumes much of the sacred relationship energy you have now, but it is temporary. I promise this too shall pass, and I know it is a particular sort of anguish when you feel you are letting your partner down. Keep communicating as authentically as possible. Hand-craft your new relationship, and be endlessly patient with each other. Trust that your body is always trying to protect you, and faith in the great feminine intelligence.
I am howling so loudly for you, my love. I recommend reading Mysteries of the Dark Moon.
. . .
Woman Most Wild (New World Library, 2017)
In Woman Most Wild, author and proud witch Danielle Dulsky debunks the stories we have been indoctrinated with and reveals the true nature of witchcraft: an ancient spiritual path that rejects religious dogma in favor of female empowerment and a reverence for the Earth.
In a collaborative, conversational tone, Woman Most Wild offers three keys to liberating your inner witch and owning your power.
➵ Submit your howl to firstname.lastname@example.org.
➵ Find our guidelines for submission to the Wolf-Woman here.
Read more Howl for Me, Wolf-Woman!:
Howl For Me, Wolf-Woman! Sacred Work And The Pitfalls Of Co-Creation
Howl for Me, Wolf Woman! Self-Worth And The Truest Currencies
The Soul Curriculum & The Inherited Mother-Wound
The Spiral Dance of Selfhood, Judgement And Soulwork
Substance & The Visible Feminine: Selfie Culture & The Crone’s Perspective
The Wild Woman’s Body-Prayer For Rage Release
The Wild Woman’s Circle: Handcrafting Space For Sisterhood
The Hand-Crafted 2017: Wild Resolutions Before The Quickening
The Dark Feminine And The Maiden’s Loss
Winter Solstice & Yuletide Medicine For The Rootless Witch
Mothering The Wild & Becoming The Bad Daughter
A Ritual For Betrayal — When You Have No Choice But To Become Someone New
The Great Learning: Social Acceptance, A Challenge An Awakening Wild Woman Faces
Wild Wisdom For The Bleeding Woman
The Guru’s Crime Against Soul
Looking For Some Guiding Wild Wisdom
Deep Loving In The Darkness
Sip a little more from Danielle’s medicine:
➵ Witch, Howl Moonward:
The Timely Salve Of The Dark Primal Feminine
➵ The Wolf-Woman’s Book Of The Dead:
A Samhain Benediction
➵ Invoking Artemis: The Liberation Of Our Wild Spirituality