“I hate my job! I’m waiting for a sign to leave,” this German lady I met at a hair dresser in Cologne the other day told me. “I was so convinced it would have been last year, but the sign never came.”
This same lady was also stuck in a loveless marriage that she expected to end once she had a sign… And she is just one of many women I meet, who are waiting for mysterious signs.
It’s always the same. A woman will tell me about all her frustrations. How she hates her boss, her job, her colleagues. How being in the corporate world just sucks. How she feels burned out, how she feels undermined, or even bullied. How her message doesn’t matter.
Or, she will tell me about her loveless marriage. I know women who are being verbally and even physically abused in their relationships. Others married lovely men who they say are the perfect husbands and father to their kids, yet they don’t love them anymore, and being intimate with their husbands is the last thing on Earth they want. I know so many women who have affairs that last for weeks, months and even years helping them escape from reality.
And then the shit hits the fan. Big time.
It saddens me to see how long women will stay in toxic work environments or loveless relationships, and think that they must wait for the shit to hit the fan to get their “sign” and be forced out of these scenarios.
Most of them jeopardise their health, their mental and emotional well-being in order to hit rock bottom, before they are able to move on and rise like a phoenix from their ashes again. There is nothing wrong about rising as a phoenix. It’s a lovely image and an incredible opportunity for change and soul growth.
I just wonder whether we, collectively as women, are trying too hard to make situations work and stay too long in situations that are not good for us. Because then it wasn’t us who quit that well paid and secure job: it was the nasty company who fired us. It wasn’t us who left our marriage and therefore have to hear what terrible wives and mothers we are.
Does it have to be this complicated I wonder? Don’t we have the right to walk out on our marriage without feeling judged by everyone?
Don’t we have the right to fall out of love with our partners and seek for happiness elsewhere, either on our own, or because we met the man of our dreams?
Why can’t we have the strength and the faith to leave the job that makes us feel so miserable? Why don’t we have the courage to tell our boss he/she is a total nutcase and run through the office singing: “I’m out of here! See ya laters alligators!”
I have also stayed in jobs and relationships for far longer than necessary, always hoping it would improve, or that a mysterious prince with a sexy butt would show up and give me an exact roadmap of what I would have to do next. He would assure me that I don’t need to worry: that if I quit my job, I’ll find a much better one within two months. And that, if I leave my relationship, I’ll be fine. That eventually I would meet someone who matches me far better.
But that’s not how it works y’all – in fact, that’s unfortunately never how it works.
You know what could work, though? Listening to our intuition. Paying attention to our gut feeling. Listening to that small voice in our head that says: “You deserve so much better, it’s time to leave.” If we only trusted our feelings and intuition, life would be so much easier.
You know what works quite well for me? When I’m in a situation that I’m not sure whether is good to stay in or better to leave, I will visualise what it will look and feel like in 3 to 5 years’ time. How will my relationship look like? Will I feel happy? Will we grow as a couple and still enjoy each other’s company? Or for my job: Will I still feel this is my life’s purpose? Will it still fulfil me?
What is the voice in your head telling you?
Don’t wait for a sign. Listen to your inner voice. That’s the strongest sign you could possibly get. No one else can tell you what’s right or wrong for you to do. Only your inner voice can tell you that. It’s about time to befriend your little voice and make it your best buddy.
For more self-study, The Urban Howl recommends 52 Ways to Live a Kick-Ass Life: BS-Free Wisdom to Ignite Your Inner Badass and Live the Life You Deserve.
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