By Maria Morais HOLY FIRE

I Forgive Myself For Everything


Walking in straight line by the seashore the morning awakens and I remember long lost memories from another time. Walking in tune with the waves that come and go, I find myself daydreaming of a world where love comes first and the mind is simply seen as a useful tool for the heart to lead, and not the other way around.

As I embrace all parts of myself I learn how to be both, and that has been very painful, to say the least. It’s like a continuous punch in the ego mind, which makes my false-self scream louder and louder, demanding attention and a life of co-dependency.

We are not programmed to see beyond duality, beyond the threshold of fear… So, it took me a long time, a lot of motivation, pain and tears to be able to change.

But, now I know that I am both the dark and the light, the mother and the wild woman, the maiden and the wise, the one complete and the one incomplete. I am everything and I am nothing. Then as the water from the ocean touches my naked feet, I feel the energy of my soul connecting with all that is.

Whilst waking up to the peace within, I forgive myself for everything. I forgive myself for having allowed me to drift away for so long. For being so far, so distant, so centered on my ego, so attached, disconnected and unhappy. I forgive myself for the times I was hard on me in a way I would never let anyone else be. I can only say I feel deep compassion for my ego, for all the times it has screamed at me that I was not good enough and that I deserved better than what I had.

I started to ask myself… Better than what? If at any point in time I decide to take more or less than what someone thinks is best for me, that’s my problem, and it should not be a point of concern to my ego or to anyone else. I wish I had known this before – it would have saved me from a lot of pain.

All I know, in fact, is that as I have learned to become more and more vulnerable, I also became stronger and more powerful. There is an awakening and a quickening coming from the heart once you know how it works. As I walk side by side with my shadow I see duality disappearing and I become all that I am. No more fear between all the versions of me – I am one.

I Just realised that there is a seagull in front of me. She looks cute. I have been walking for so long, lost in my heart and in my thoughts that I did not realise that I am in the middle of thousands of seagulls, but only this one grabbed my attention. What is she thinking, I wonder?She is helping me to focus somehow. It would be nice if she could read my mind and stay around a little longer. Perhaps we could even be friends…

Ah! Hold that thought! That thought – that expression of you that you are channelling through a process of simplification to make it easier to understand. Hold that thought – suspend that image that crosses your mind and dives into all the details surrounding all you can see. Then yes, focus a bit more and get the message you are looking to achieve. Layer by layer, do not stop yourself from knowing. Give a little time for that magic to happen within you.

Hold that thought – do not allow yourself to be sad without knowing the reason why. Only when you know you can feel beyond your ego, you can really feel the beating of your heart and the pulsation of your soul within your body.

Hold that thought – In all the different states of being, there’s only one you. When you are whole you can speak your truth in all authenticity. Nature always gets its way, through time and space, so do not be anxious about it but, hold that thought before it slips away from your mind! Now it’s the time to surrender with full heart. The mind can be at rest waiting for the new energy that will command what to do and how to do moving forward.

Hold that thought – Love is all that is and until you discover it, it’s your mind at service and your ego protecting you from being you. Intelligence from the heart must be prioritised over the intelligence of the mind.

Hold that thought, breathe and keep walking!

For more self-study, The Urban Howl recommends The Universe Has Your Back: Transform Fear to Faith.

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We he{art} @zoe_quiney . . . #dreamyourworldawake #howlforyourlife #theurbanhowl


Maria Morais

Maria Morais founded MBY London, an experiential community project for the study and development of feminine archetypes. Maria is a Reiki Master, Insightful Oracle reader and intuitive writer. When she was a young girl she wanted to be a scientist of the stars so she started to write about civilizations from all sorts of imaginary places. Her strong belief is that if she is able to describe in words all she imagines then there is a chance that it may become real. Connect with her on Instagram and Facebook.

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