An Ode To A Messy Life
A cycle of mercury retrograde can sometimes make one reminisce about past mistakes, the wrong paths taken, the extra donuts consumed, the third dates and that last drink that created that skull crushing hangover. The irony in life is that we need to send it all some light if we want less of the above mentioned. We need to forgive ourselves and move forward, otherwise the unwanted grows more mysterious, getting bigger in the dark.
“Life is like photography. You need the negatives to develop.” ~Unknown
For many years I was a perfection-seeking, clean-eating, green-smoothie-drinking, A+-do-gooder. I thought that if I lived as my best self I would have the best life. I didn’t have the best life. I still lived in a shitty apartment. I still hated most of my jobs and while I did accomplish a few things I wasn’t satisfied. Months would go by and I couldn’t remember anything that stood out. I was not creating memories. Perhaps I had it all wrong. We’ve all read about those whiskey or wine drinking grandmas that live to be 103.
Perfection is like an all white room which might be healing for a weekend. But do you want to live there permanently?
Real life is all the colors and hopefully for us it’s the big Crayola crayon box with the sharpener. Nature is not consistent. We want that manicured lawn, but life is messy and always changing.
As a fan of Julia Cameron’s The Artist’s Way, I still write “the morning pages”. If you are not familiar “the morning pages” is the practice of writing three pages of just whatever comes to mind. I admit sometimes my pages are just a few paragraphs but I have to do it. I like to call these words my morning truths. I wake up and I think of something I want to do or be or a regret. It’s my morning truth. It usually goes something like, “I shouldn’t have had that last beer, I really need to make some bigger art . . . I really need to workout harder. I need to cook veggies more.”
These are thoughts and truths I don’t typically think at night. The morning truths give me the bullet points and lists from my higher self. What I truly need to create my best life is a little self forgiveness to compliment the self awareness that my morning truths give me.
“If everything seems under control then you are not nearly going fast enough.” ~Mario Andretti
Now I am in no way saying you should just fuck without condoms, drink a whole 6-pack at one time or max out your credit cards. I doubt many of our higher selves would feel good about that. What I am saying is forgive yourself when you spill coffee on your white pants, when you eat a cupcake on a holiday or even a non-holiday, when you don’t do everything on your list . . . forgive yourself.
For more self-study, The Urban Howl recommends The Inner Voice of Love: A Journey Through Anguish to Freedom.
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