A Poem For My Imaginary Lover


If you don’t exist, I want you to leave me.
I want to forget your promises whispered
at the end of the bar, forget hearing
you call me beautiful, forget how you look
at me and see what I’m hiding
without the need to name it,
forget the smell of your beard and
night-blooming jasmine.
I want to forget our first kiss,
and the breath just before it.
I want to stop singing our song.

If you don’t exist, I want to forget
the way you slide closer to me
in the hours before the day has awoken,
wrapping your warm body around mine as
we sleep into the morning together
in the same dream. I want to
forget the sense that you’re
searching for me as I do for you,
at the bottom of a bottle,
in strangers’ eyes, and
other lovers’ beds.

If you don’t exist, please, I beg you,
pack your things–your books
and your records and the
midnight sky. Take it all,
erase every trace,
abandon the home you made
in my most sacred spaces.

If you don’t exist, I want you to leave me.
I want to hear my song
without your chorus.
I want to taste my words
without your name.
I want to fall into the arms of me.

For more self-study, The Urban Howl recommends The Inner Voice of Love: A Journey Through Anguish to Freedom.

Sip a little more:

Exclusion Is Dead — A Recognition Of The Holiness Of All Living Beings

s u b m i s s i o n s : . . . #wakeupanddream #youarethemagic


Jen Smat


Jen Smat is a former wanderer who now finds herself happily standing still in small-town California in the foothills of the Sierra Nevada Mountains. A yogi, a dreamer, a wannabe beach bum who realized that there is an ocean swelling inside her no matter how many miles separate her from the coast. She spends her time tapping into that feeling through consistent deep dives into poetry, meditation, and cool mountain rivers.

  1. wow. i needed to read this today, in this space, that space, exactly. thank you.

  2. Stacy W Rodriguez

    Awesome, Jen! Please write more.

  3. Wow, opened a vein on this one…keep on.

  4. Reading that oddly felt like that feeling of thirst being quenched on a hot day, hard to describe really but please write more because that was beautiful!

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