By Dr. BethAnne Kapansky Wright WAKING WILD

Grieve & Heal In Endless Cycles — Growing Bigger & Beyond Who You Once Were


Doorways: The Path To A More Soulful Life

There are many doorways to the spirit world. Many portals one can step through to better connect with their own understanding of the divine. Gateways that help us delve further into our own sense of mystical magic; delve into the taproot of the soul-filled life.

The rain is beating down as I write these words; the clouds have formed and reformed into piles of dusty diamonds; emerald jungle breeze taps on my glass. Mother Kauai is in constant motion, and her elements whisper messages of fluidity, change, and growth.

Nature is a doorway; each aspect of it speaking to us, offering its own form of energy and medicine. Sky and sea and plant and tree; the flowers speak; the animals talk and teach.

All we need to do is listen, notice our thoughts, and pay attention to what we receive.

I moved to this island last summer for many reasons. My soul compelled me to go; I felt life here would better support my spiritual work; 2016 split my seams wide open when my brother Brent suddenly died, and I spent 2017 trying to mend those seams with greater authenticity, love, and courageous life change.

Grief is a doorway. It’s the one none of us want to be made to walk through, yet we all will if we are engaging with life. Grief is a teacher who challenges us to forage in the wilderness of our own soul, to search for our truth in the dark, and to reach for the light so we can grow bigger and beyond who we once were.

I carry a secret in me for the full of 2016; my brother speaks to me, reaching out through the doorway of the other side. The same seams that split my life wide open have also opened my naturally intuitive mind. Brent begins to tell me things and new spiritual gifts begin to manifest and expand and pour in and out of me, in endless channels of psychic information.

The mind is a doorway. Our imagination is a doorway. Our consciousness and ability to transcend this reality and to see and experience other dimensions and realities through our mind’s eye are an essential door for anyone looking to engage with spirit on deeper, more visceral levels. This is how we learn to open our third eye and look for the extraordinary hidden beyond the veil of ordinary.

My cells contract and expand from all the change. I grieve and heal in endless cycles; I make the decision to transplant life, yet there’s huge necessary work to make that happen, so I find myself in the highly uncomfortable space of living in Alaska – wrapping up the many, arduous loose ends needed to leave the state – while my heart has already traveled across the ocean and resides in Kauai. My heart is split, my life is split, and I am split between worlds; the physical reality of what we see and the spirit world of the unseen.

Transitions are a doorway. Anytime we find ourselves in a place of unknowing, a space of instability, a moment of deconstruction; we are invited to build a bridge and take steps of faith into something new. Forcing us to dig deep, trust the universe, trust the process, and rely on Life’s promise that if we follow the call of our soul and take that first step and go: Life will rise up and meet us there.

I use my time left in Alaska to say goodbye. There is an intense awareness that I will never relive these moments, never pass through the halls of this place again. Everything takes on a precious, finite quality, and I spend the remainder of my time in the state saying goodbye to cherished people, farewell to beloved places, and thank you to the majestic land itself, who held me in good stead for so many years bearing witness to and supporting so many becomings of self.

Time is a doorway. A human construct invented to mark and count our moments here in this physical space, time isn’t needed in the infinity. But in the here and now, time teaches us to be present. It teaches us that everything has a season. It teaches us to pull the moment into us- to relish the privilege of having a moment- and to embrace the experience of that moment, no matter how beautiful, bittersweet, or aching.

I arrive in Kauai in a heap of bleary exhaustion and grateful relief. I feel like a stranger in a strange land; the energy, the electromagnetic field, the breath of this island making me feel like I am one step closer to heaven. I do the things I know to do to ground: offer tobacco and sage to the trees and the spirits, sit on the beach and talk to the ocean; meditation, tarot cards, channeling, poetry.

My heartbeat and mind speak are the same every time I open myself up to connect: Hello, I am here, I am listening, I am ready to receive.

Spiritual practices are a doorway. As long as they resonate on a soul level, doing whatever it is that calls to us and whatever we’ve learned, or been taught, or feel drawn to do helps us make space to listen and receive. These practices are our way of intentionally trying to connect with something higher.

This week marks four months of living here; I have an increasing awareness of just how many worlds within worlds exist on this island. From the native ancestral spirits, to the sheer power and force of the elements, to the goddess energy of the island herself abundant with growth and life, to the aloha spirit which means living a life of love, peace, and compassion; each world is another doorway with something to teach and a mystery all its own.

There are many doorways to soul, and no right path except the path your heart feels called to go. We each hold a world within a world inside of ourselves, and the only keeper to the keys that unlocks our own mystery is – our self. This is why nobody else can walk the path for us, we have to do our own work of soul and simply offer light to each other, so we can better see along the way.

Those heavy morning rains have changed from thick sheets to lights mists. The sky is opening up with new light, and I feel my heart and mind open in wonder. My brother is nearby, I can see/feel/hear him in my mind’s eye. I asked him when I sat down to write, what I should write about today. “Write about love, little sister, write about love.”

Because Love is the greatest doorway of all. It is eternal, it knows no bounds, it cannot be contained by time or space or the passage of death. It is endless and all and forever and always. And anytime we are in a space of love, anytime we hold love inside our hearts, any time we reach out in our mind and soul and heart in love…

We return to our natural state of infinite being; our winds of self blowing the doors wide open to untapped possibility.

For more self-study, The Urban Howl recommends The Inner Voice of Love: A Journey Through Anguish to Freedom.

Sip a little more:

A Poem For My Imaginary Lover


The She Book

Coming November 18

. . .


  1. Thank you BethAnne for this comprehensive article and allowing all the ‘doorways’ to lead us to clarity, healing and home.

  2. BethAnne Kapansky Wright

    Thank you Carolyn for your kind words of support, I am so glad it resonated!

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