By Leahanne Woods Smith HOLY FIRE

How I Went From Jealousy & Discomfort To Heart Illumination


Once, I was jealous of my fellow goddesses and friends, and feeling like I have not made the right turns in life, but I am now finding it in myself to cheer for them. I cheer them on and that, in turn, arises in me that same level of passion for the things of love.

Oh, powerful love, with all its interconnectedness and all its information to be revealed in me. It illuminates me, illuminates my heart.

I feel the orgasmic contractions of my being, awakening me further. Further into my expansion I go to meet new experiences. This has been the way to growth every time I’ve grown! I let comfort die away and what enters is my life.

“Forgiveness is grief. To forgive, something has to die.”
-Brene Brown

I thank what I once clung to for safety, and then step uncomfortably into the mystery.

Some mysteries I have stepped into in my life feel like a nice free fall, with tinges of happiness and excitement, eagerly anticipating a greater expansion of me.

Some mysteries feel much more discombobulating, like the one I’m in now in my mid-forties. I am in need of a clearer roadmap. I trust and have faith (uncomfortably) that what I need will appear. I have put it out there.

“Discomfort is the new black.”
-HeatherAsh Amara, author of “Warrior Goddess Training”

To let ourselves be seen is as big as it gets. I do this as a directing tool: I pick up pieces one by one, and they lead me to the next step. The pieces are comments made, nuances of friends and foe who have witnessed me. They are the new, or at least newly-remembered, facets of me. The bits of the mirror that were broken off before are being returned to me so that I may again see myself more clearly.

I make it a normalcy to do yoga, meditate, masturbate, and all the things a woman does to get inside her “knowing” again. And I talk about it, I do not hide. Step by step, I am becoming more intimate with myself, and the world.

I write and show pictures on Facebook to connect with like-minded and like-hearted people. I verbalize my truths more often. I ask for guidance. I am finding my teachers and asking for guidance. My eyes are opened wide. My teachers appear to me, not asking to be teachers.

For most things now, I have to ask, I have to make them happen. I am seeing parts of my own medicine become tangible, and become my legacy. I am the artist of my own spirit, both an initiate and a seasoned warrior in some aspects already.

Hopefully I inspire, and in turn, I get inspired. This happens often! The  medicine of my heart is working.

I respect my heart above all else. I will continue to do what my heart wants me to do, no matter how scary it feels. I love and honor my life in a truer sense, and in a more personal sense now.

I am becoming more willing to go out of my comfort zone and into the uncomfortable mystery for myself, my life, and most likely for the lives of others.

I find my path. It appears more evident to me the more I show up. The more I illuminate and honor my heart, by pushing past my fears, and by doing and saying those things I need to give my heart, my Self, the proper chance.

This is my prayer, my blessing, and my intention made that I’m giving to myself.

For more self-study, The Urban Howl recommends The Desire Map: A Guide to Creating Goals with Soul.

Sip a little more:

I Hereby Free My Voice From Fear & Let My Soul Truth Be Heard

(I Am A Queen) & I Hope All Women Find Their Heaven On Earth




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