This morning I woke up to the news that my children’s school was shut because of the snow. I woke up to look outside the window and let out a whoop of joy. I came back to bed with a feeling of relief, mostly grounded in the fact that I wouldn’t have to navigate those snowy roads in my beloved little car. I knew she wouldn’t like that very much, bless her little engine.
Most of all though, I was looking forward to having my littles at home. Such an unexpected treat for me.
Like with anything else, Spirit likes to test you when you are having a good day or a few good moments to see the mettle that you are made of. Generally, these teaching moments are there to help you find happiness even when things aren’t going as you thought they would. The happiness within.
A few months ago, I was prompted into the discovery that someone I considered a friend had “unfriended” me on Facebook. At the time, I was very much in the “what did I do?” phase, but I knew even then that it wasn’t personal. I just couldn’t see through it as well as I would have liked. In the coming months, the reasons became clearer. It took me a little while longer than I would have liked, but I got over it.
Turns out, I wasn’t meant to “get over it”. I was meant to learn the lesson from it!
This morning I had another discovery. It had happened again. It stung for about ten seconds. I am a human being after all.
Yet another thing was that this affects one of my children. I won’t go into too much detail. That’s not really what is important here. I thought to myself, “What do I tell my child?”
In situations like these, I have learned well from the past. I told the Truth. That some people do not accept their Mummy for who she is, and that means that they will cease to become friends with me. Both children listened, nodded sagely with understanding, and didn’t say anything else.
For me though, this is what it boils down to: The people who must drift away, will drift away. The people who choose to stay, will stay. The people who want to accept me for who I was, who I am, and who I am still becoming will accept me.
Then there will be people who have a problem with me for whatever reason, and that in all likelihood, has nothing to do with me. Maybe. But that is a whole different topic. They will leave at some point. And that is okay, too. This isn’t about them.
It’s about ME and whether I choose to accept that I am no longer the old me. By doing so, will I then choose to step into my new shoes of “Who I Am” more fully? Do I want to be concerned about whether or not I am offending anyone with the things I share that come from the real me, and from the growth and learning that were unearthed from my journey within? What do I do about it?
The Truth is this. As I walked my own journey, at first I hadn’t realised exactly how much I didn’t like myself until I started to do just that.
I hadn’t realised that I had so many things inside me to love.
I didn’t really know that I could celebrate, for no reason, the things that made me special.
I wasn’t aware that I could give myself a hug, tell myself that I am doing great.
There was still some part of me, small as it were, that needed others to tell me how I was doing. And this small part needed to be sent off with a loving farewell.
And you know what? I just have no more fucks to give about pleasing anyone else. Really. I don’t care anymore. I came here to this Earth with the purpose of being ME. Who that used to be and who that is today. Who that is tomorrow is still evolving.
THIS here is who I am. Today. On the date that I am writing this. Take me as I am. Or leave me as you find me wanting. Whichever you choose is okay with me.
Why? Because I love this person. It took me a lot of blood, sweat, tears, and hard work to get here.
I fell many times on my journey. It was in those dark moments that I discovered the strength within me to get the heck back up again…and again…and again!
I embrace those who want to come along with me for the journey. Show up as you are. I welcome you with open arms. Come with your flaws. I don’t care. Let’s be FLAWSOME together.
I am honoured by those who decided and will decide that they love me so much that they want to stay in my inner circle.
I am privileged by those who walked with me for even a short time because they taught me lessons I needed to learn. If not for them, how would I have seen what I needed to see?
This heart that beats within the real ME wants to say thank you to all of you. Thank you for showing me that there are just no more excuses for not being the real me.
And now if you will excuse me, I have snowballs to throw and children to play with. A husband to hug and a ME to BE.
Sip a little more: