BY ANNIE MUELLER
There is connection.
A flow. An inevitability.
And there’s peace in resting in that flow, letting it happen, being part of it.
But our brains want to know the plan: let me see it all, lay it out for me, connect the dots and let me rest in that.
Trust is how you can actually live.
Seeking certainty is how you can waste your life.
The earth brain is never satisfied. It always wants more proof of safety, more means of security. That’s why people get greedy and need more, more, more. We think, looking at them, “Oh my! What excess. How could they want more?”
Here’s the truth: They don’t want more, they want to feel more secure and safe and certain about the world and their place in it.
Of course, the truth is you can’t feel safer by getting more stuff, not for very long.
There’s only one way to feel safe and that’s through giving up on safety.
We’re always looking for certainty in our choices.
Every choice is a question: Will I find it here?
Will I find it? Some guarantee or safety, some security or assurance or qualification, a sure thing, a better label, a clearer definition, a more satisfying explanation, some brand of Truth that checks more boxes, some certainty that whatever choice I make or thing I pursue it will all work out somehow.
And we can never find it, so we quit.
We start and we’re excited and then we quit.
Nothing is guaranteed, no pursuit is certain, so when it gets weird and difficult and people ask uncomfortable questions and we don’t have easy explanations and we can’t drown out the self-doubt, we quit.
And we’re so sad and sick on the inside about this. All of us. You’re sick over it. I’m sick over it. We’re collectively sick because of it.
We need to change, we have to change or else we die, we must let go of the need for certainty and step into action and trust, trust, trust.
Trust the bigger Self, trust God, trust the Universe, trust in the flow, trust all the collective energy of growth – trust.
Trust that as you step forward and start moving, the flow will direct and carry you where you need to go.
Nothing is static which is why nothing feels certain to Earth brain, because it can’t get things to stay the same. It’s so f*cking annoying, you get things really comfortable and then it all falls apart again. Have you ever wondered why that happens over and over and over? It’s the universe, silly. Knocking on your door. Slapping you awake, over and over. And really that’s the greatest truth to know.
Nothing is static.
Everything is flow. Everything is change. Everything is growth.
Knowing this truth, how can I respond?
Let me take a step forward, uncertain of what I’m doing or if I can, or whatever. Everything is flow, I’m going to flow this way for a while.
Let me try that scary thing because nothing is static, it’s not like I’ll be stuck in this scary thing forever. Everything is change, baby.
Let me say the words I must say, all of the words, let me open my mouth and scream-roar-sing them out and see what happens. Everything is growth and I am part of everything.
Let me straighten my back and lift my head and walk my own path, because it’s not like anyone else has it all figured out. I owe no allegiance, I serve no master, I worship no idol, I bow to no creed, not even this one.
It’s not progress as we imagine it. It’s not like walking from Point A to Point B. There’s not the feeling underneath us that things are stable and we can map it out and handily track ourselves moving from one predictable experience to another and say, “Oh look the goal, we’re getting closer.”
We can, kind of, but only by building structures and systems onto reality (which is always flowing) and making them as stable as possible (which is not very stable, as it turns out). Then we go in and pretend they are reality, but of course, everything is flow, everything is growth, everything is change and all that movement shakes things up. Even as we build the systems, they are crumbling.
Inevitably they fall apart. But people hold on to old crumbling dead things for a long time; that’s how much they want to feel certain and safe.
Where is the safety?
The safety is realizing that the whole big flow of the universe, energy, reality, of everything, is us. We’re not attacked by it, or pawns in it, or unimportant in it, we are it.
We’re the energy. We’re the flow. We’re precious. We’re important. We matter.
Also, we don’t matter. What I do in this little Earth life, with these little Earth choices — okay, whatever, it will help me grow or not, and growth is it and if I don’t grow there’s another time coming around, we’ll catch you then.
Start taking a step and let the flow catch and carry you.
It’s only scary if you believe in the systems.
It’s not fearful if you know who you are.
It’s not linear, it’s fractals.
It’s not certain, it’s open.
It’s not a path, it’s an adventure.
It’s not known, it’s wild.
It’s not safety, it’s freedom.
It’s not individual, it’s unified.
It’s not predictable, it’s trust.
For more self-study, The Urban Howl recommends The Desire Map: A Guide to Creating Goals with Soul.
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