The complicated relationship between light and darkness within me finally made sense. I finally saw the other part of the story. It wasn’t simple and it took me years of mistakes and wrong-doings and blaming myself to finally understand my pain fountain.
There are always two principle parts of the story, like the Kundalini, the light and the dark. What we see and what we have not seen yet. What we accept and what we deny. In the core of it all lies the Truth. The explaining of the trauma. Its reason and its journey.
I kept fighting myself for years because I didn’t understand why my twin flame couldn’t love me. I kept trying and trying until I didn’t anymore. I set him free. I set myself free too.
That is when I found the love of my life. The one with whom I was meant to transcend, to awaken, to be the truest version of myself.
But still, you can’t stay in the light without knowing your darkness fully. And the questions kept following me, the darkness within too. The seas within me were dark and stormy.
Everyone who knew the story kept telling me that he maybe just didn’t want me. I did understand that… but how don’t you want your own soul?
The waves of the sea of my own darkness kept rising. I remembered our past lives through regressive hypnosis. Still, that wasn’t the full story. The storm was heavier.
I was angry at him, and I started believing that he would never wake. Never see the whole Truth. Never see me. That he was lost in this system and would never rise from the lies. It was time I accepted this.
But suddenly, while traveling in my own seas of darkness, I saw rock bottom. I saw my twin flame’s other part of the story. And it wasn’t the lack of love, or lack of understanding. No. He was the darkness within me. And I had to be the light. Boom.
I saw it all. The darkness, like the light, has its own archetype and it has to walk her own road. I understood I had to be a lighthouse. From afar. And the greatest wars are fought inside this deep dark ocean within us.
With this I found peace. The drama of “He doesn’t love you” found her way home. After ringing in my ears for years, blocking all of my chakras and my true self, and yes, bringing me to the ground.
But after all this time, after I stopped blaming him, and myself, I grew to understand his place. A place where he couldn’t see me. No matter how close I was to him. No matter how close he was to me. No matter how much I tried to reach him.
Balance is a hard thing to achieve. And you can’t do so if you don’t know the whole story.
We are in a never-ending process of learning, which is great — but many times overwhelming. I am still learning how to be the light. He still doesn’t see the real me, but I am not mad about it anymore.
The darkness needs the light to become whole. And I am in this never-ending process of understanding their relationship. The base of the Universe. The Sacred Kundalini.
For more self-study, The Urban Howl recommends The Universe Has Your Back: Transform Fear to Faith.
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