What Is Asking To Be Created? Cultivating A Space For Yourself


A small, yet brightly burning pilot light ignites in my belly. A smoldering fire fills my lungs with smoke of burned passages and past. Crawls up my throat and out of my mouth like a serpent coughing up ash from the depths. A serpent with a sharp poisonous tongue…it spits and lands in pools near my feet. A poison-covered toe, breaking the calm surface.

I step back and watch reflections of former selves, like cockroaches into secret holes in walls and cracks in the foundation.

What is asking to be created is space. A hollow in my belly that has held life, that has held stress, that has held my center so tightly that my hips forgot how to move, how to curl and wind.

A space for me. Not for my son or my family. A space where I answer to no one but myself. A space for no apologies. A space for action and growth. Exponential growth like invasive vines climbing trees, vegetation strangling wood and branch, yet both surviving, both still thriving.

A space where I can rest my heavy head too full of the world. Too full of the headlines and flashing neon lights and stop signs. I’m not ready to stop. I am just beginning.

I am just creating, not for the first or the last time, but for this new time, for this new space where I unravel and rip open this sternum to reveal lungs of lavender in fields; a liver of reeds to filter out toxicity; a heart made of broken ragdoll parts, with stitches upon stitches that weave together and make this blood pump faster; intestines full of words that fall out displayed on sidewalks and carpets, displayed in falling leaves that held too firmly to summer, to permanence, when in fact there is none.

A space pulling me in a direction of future. Pulling me out of my shell, my exoskeleton, my ability to crawl back inside and dwell and hibernate with all my secrets tucked around me like blankets.

I want out.

I want loud and daring.
I want passion and fire.
I want burning and heat from the embers.

I want a space that molds me.
I want a space that twists and contorts me and spits me out again.
Like a newborn,
Like I’m reborn,
Soaked in my own embryonic fluid of my remaking.

Photo by Killian Pham on Unsplash

For more self-study, The Urban Howl recommends The Universe Has Your Back: Transform Fear to Faith.

Sip a little more:

Some Bones Aren’t Meant To Be Buried: Unearth Yourself

I Came Into This World With A Roar That Can’t Be Silenced

Rest Your Head Upon My Heart & Feel The Rhythm Of Life

"Often the simplest and yet most profound question, the one which acts as fuel to ignite the ember of change, is this… Why? It is our asking of this most basic of questions which sends chills down the spines of those who would hold us hostage with fear. You can almost hear them whispering, “Oh no, they are waking up!” And they are right… we are waking up. The time of a great awakening is here and many are no longer content to sit idly by as the world around us falls into chaos and disarray. We fully realise that revolution unto itself is a form of chaos but it is chaos with the purpose of rebirth… a resurrection of a life lived with purpose." —Tanya Tiger of SHINE Studios #revolutionoflove #howlforyourlife #hearthowl #love Read more: @kayharr73 @ladypantzz @thugunicorn @dharmaunicorn @nystiger79


Courtney Quinlan

Courtney Quinlan is a lover of words and how you can craft them together, piece by piece and build a story, or a moment in time that speaks to someone. She lives in Vermont, as a single parent, with her son who is on the autism spectrum and advocates fiercely for him and others with disabilities. She volunteers as a parent advocate and editor for The Urban Howl and Wild Heart Writers and is a contributing author of poetry and prose. She can generally be found lost in a whirlwind of creative thought, she is unfiltered and fairly transparent. She is passionate about empowering women and social justice issues. She likes to get crafty, making beaded jewelry and crafts and photography inspired by the natural world around her. She is a sarcastic lover of humor and is blessed to be able to laugh at herself and find the irony in stressful situations. Rarely embarrassed and often clumsy she is practicing the art of vulnerability and can be found just throwing her whole self out there!

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