To the men of the world,
I LOVE you.
You are our fathers, brothers, sons, uncles, cousins, husbands, lovers, and friends. I have laughed with you, cried with you, danced with you, supported you, witnessed your own life unfolding through the same patriarchal pressure cooker that has burned women at the stake and terrorized children for thousands of years.
I know that you have also felt the system’s unyielding grasp on your own heart and breath. You have also felt its chokehold in the form of toxic masculinity: the suppression of your own emotional states, economic slavery, and spiritual deadness.
I know that you, too, long for reconnection to a deeper world of purpose, pleasure, and beauty. You long to feel your own creative power and have your desire met openly, fully, and honestly.
I see you.
I have often met you in the places of your longing and felt your sincere aching for the offering of life’s fullness. Way beyond the superficial desires for money, sex, power, or god — you, like us, have longed for deeper fulfillment.
I have noticed how hard you try to be a “good man” — to deserve these bounties of nature, woman, god, and love.
But what is a “good man”?
The cultural understanding of a “good man” is that he follows the laws of society, works diligently, and pays his dues. He tends his home and family with patience and loving discipline. He defends the less fortunate without enabling them. He knows how to have healthy fun but never to excess. He will fight for what is right and lay down his life for his beliefs, morals, family, and god.
A “good man” has earned his place.
You know, this all sounds a bit “George Banks” to me.
Men, this kind of “goodness” is a false ideal that lives on the surface of your being. It is an image that was created for others, so that they would accept you. It is a social construct that is worn like a mask to show others that you are, indeed, a safe and worthy person deserving of all you have. This “goodness” is a political position, a protective shell.
After all, a “good man” is protected by the patriarchy and deserving of its various privileges.
Think about it.
“He is a good man” is the rallying cry echoed throughout every courtroom where a semi-powerful man’s behaviors are being called into question. Listen closely, you will hear it, too: “He is a good man and a good man doesn’t deserve this treatment.”
Dear Men, allow me to be the first to tell you — we don’t need you to be “good”.
We need you, now at the fall of the patriarchy, to be fucking Warriors.
We need you to be accountable — to claim full ownership for your actions and behaviors, even when they’ve been less than “good”.
We need you to live with integrity — to live a path of honor that goes beyond “goodness” and into the realm of Truth and Justice.
We need you to get Real, and claim the parts of yourself that don’t qualify as “good” — but are within you nonetheless.
Men, we need you to be Warriors and to realize that the enemy you’re facing is not outside yourself — it is within. This enemy dwells in the shadow of your own mind, in the places you fear most to tread.
The enemy you are facing is the part of yourself that has been conditioned and sustained by the patriarchal system.
As you rise to greet this enemy, wearing its mask of goodness, know that it will resist you. It will fight back against you, bringing with it an army of shame, guilt, fear, and despair. And you, Warriors, must meet this army, with your sword raised, not in anger or hatred, but in Love.
And as you do, please trust, that although it may be too dark to see, the voices and swords of all who stand in Truth are here beside you.
We are ready.
Men of the world, you are not a boy earning a mother’s love anymore. You are not a boy earning a father’s respect anymore. You do not need to make yourself worthy — you are already worthy.
You are loved so much.
You are a Warrior.
I am so sorry that patriarchy took that knowing from you.
I am so sorry.
I love you.
I love you.
For more self-study, The Urban Howl recommends 52 Ways to Live a Kick-Ass Life: BS-Free Wisdom to Ignite Your Inner Badass and Live the Life You Deserve.
Sip a little more: