You Were Hunting For The Darkness, In Search Of The Self


There are dark nights, especially dark nights when every whisper of the wind or of some tired standing object feels like a threat to the yet naive intuitive psyche. Of course, fear and suspicion come hunting for you like knights of darkness. They remind you of those lost parts of the universe, which are your parts, too.

And sure, you hate fear and suspicion. You want the full light and mastering of your dark. You want someone to love you and only you. And to search for you like a desert rose. Not as an oasis, because people need the oasis, but love the rose.

But these moments remind you that the fight is not over. They remind you that the rose still needs to be found, within.

“When will it be over?” you ask naively.

There is no answer. Just darkness that keeps coming over you. But still, the wise woman inside you knows something more, something she doesn’t tell just yet.

“There have been so many dark nights,” you think.

“Aren’t you stronger because of them?” something whispers.

“Yes,” you think. “Haven’t they shown you more truth than those shiny days when all was pretending to be safe and perfect?”

. . .

And in so much darkness and black smoke only those gifted with sight can see, in the middle and end of the abyss, a great mirror was shining. And there you go. You find great clarity exactly when you thought you were losing it all. Exactly when you were thinking, you were only darkness and fear and suspicion. But you weren’t.

You were always the light. A light so strong, she got to the end of the abyss by hunting it herself. You plugged the abyss by yourself and you naively thought, it was the abyss hunting for you and bringing you down. No!

You were hunting for the darkness all this time, so you would find your answers. You would find real strength and truth. So you did. You were the lion and the wolf and the dragon but sometimes you needed to be the deer, too. So you could understand, not always hunt. So you could naively dance and explore the forest without thinking of the predator.

Inside the philosophy of the self lies the dance of light and darkness, of contentment and emptiness.

They both wildly need each other. The bridge between them is the need to understand, so we build questions. And these questions often lie as unresolved mysteries, as burdens, as black smoke. Why am I here? Who am I? What is right and what it is wrong?

There is not only insecurity and loss in these questions, but there is also light and fundamental truth too.

For me, truth lies in the moon and in the sun and inside every soul. But we have got to dig to discover it. You have to touch the fire to understand it burns.

The stars have built great bridges for us, inside us, we just have to walk them.

Photo by Riccardo Mion on Unsplash

For more self-study, The Urban Howl recommends The Inner Voice of Love: A Journey Through Anguish to Freedom.

Sip a little more:

Her Name Is Not Lilith & She Is The Goddess Of The Wild

The Light And Darkness Within The Twin Flames

The Regressive Hypnosis As A Hymn To The Self

"Balance, she is a tricky bitch. The tightrope is stretched taut, high above an anxious audience. The space fills with an expectant hush so loud it transforms your being into an echo. Half of the souls below are hoping you’ll make it, the other half wait for you to fall. You will freeze in the middle, guaranteed. You’ll be convinced you have to stay, await a clear answer that delivers you the certainty of the exact right choice. The one that will make everyone happy. The one that delivers truth without regret. The one that will take you to the other side without collateral damage. And I wish I could say that that answer will come. That you will do what you need to do and cross to the other side and everything will be the same. And maybe it will. But darling, transition is no time for the hopeless task of satisfying everyone. You’ll drive yourself mad trying. We all do. But now it is time for doing exactly what scares you the most." —Jeanette LeBlanc #HOLYFIRE #WAKINGWILD #WILDWOMAN #HOWLFORYOURLIFE Read more: @kayharr73 @ladypantzz @thugunicorn @dharmaunicorn @jeanetteleblanc @jeanetteleblanc.writer @wildheartwriters


Ina Gjata


Ina Gjata is a Moon lover, not yet graduated journalist, painter, life lover. Passionate about the wild feminine and wild creatures. She doesn’t do well with system rules, regulations and lies. A born rebel being, she believes real truth is inside us all and that writing is a piece of the great truth, meant to be told, and manifested. Connect with her on Facebook.

  1. Yash art project

    Ina my moon lover, take a deep deep breath, I appreciate in my sacred silence your words .

  2. Pingback: Absence Is Making My Journey Hard, But I Still Walk Into The Chaos – The Urban Howl

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