By Christy Williams HOLY FIRE

It’s Okay Now, Beleaguered Soul — Take Baby Steps & Breathe


Boy, was she something.

She was as badass as they come. Brave and bold and sassy.

She was amazing and confident and in love with herself and what was happening in her life.

But she didn’t love her daily life. That grind that came with dealing with the minutiae left her with nothing for herself.

It made her restless.

And then…she started to fade.

The woman she had spent two years rediscovering. The one she forgot about. Who came back courtesy of an awakening…started disappearing again.

She felt it. She felt herself slipping away. Felt the darkness approaching.

And while her professional world came to life, her personal world started to spiral.

All she could do was cope.

And numb.

And pretend.

She was so good at pretending. Until she wasn’t.

Until she was tired of wearing the mask.

Tired of smiling. Tired of wishing her world was different. Tired of another year.

And then her world came crashing down.

Things happened that weren’t supposed to happen. Not to her family, at least.

So she retreated. And focused on the only thing she could possibly focus on.

That thing that needed her most right now.

So much that she knew she had to put her own soul on hold. Again.

Willingly. Gratefully. Lovingly.

Because only one thing mattered now. No…ever.

The only thing that would ever matter.

When the dust settled…when her world shifted back into focus…when she wasn’t gripped by fear every moment of every day…she knew.

Still not sure she would ever breathe easily again, she knew she had to take a baby step forward.

Is it safe now? To take that baby step?

What about now?

She knew in her heart that it was.

Whether she could breathe or not.

She took the baby step.

And then another. And another. And yet another.

And every time she did…another spiral happened.

Another moment when she held her breath and prayed and begged for it all to be okay.

For her heart and her loves to make it through it all.

Only looking back could she see that perhaps the two parallel events were happening in conjunction with each other.

One waiting for the other to happen? Or one reacting to the other? Even subconsciously…?

And now, those two converge.

As she holds her breath like she’s never held it before.

And then she takes the deepest, most hopeful breaths she’s ever taken.

Waiting. Praying. Hoping. Loving.

Always loving.

This is her life now.

So different from the one she lived five years ago.

Before she woke up.

Before she saw.

Before she felt again.

Before she knew.

Now, she is closing one door and opening another.

And she likes what she sees on the other side.

Photo by Rowan Chestnut on Unsplash

For more self-study, The Urban Howl recommends Tears to Triumph: The Spiritual Journey from Suffering to Enlightenment.

Sip a little more:

Awakened Soul, Being A Lost, Hot Mess Is Better Than Being Comfortably Numb

5 Easy Ways To Summon The Sparkle When The Embers Start To Fade

Activate your genius zone, dreamers & magic makers! #3 SOME PEOPLE ARE TOXIC AVOID THEM. "This is a subtext of number one. There was in the sixties a man named Fritz Perls who was a gestalt therapist. Gestalt therapy derives from art history, it proposes you must understand the ‘whole’ before you can understand the details. What you have to look at is the entire culture, the entire family and community and so on. Perls proposed that in all relationships people could be either toxic or nourishing towards one another. It is not necessarily true that the same person will be toxic or nourishing in every relationship, but the combination of any two people in a relationship produces toxic or nourishing consequences. And the important thing that I can tell you is that there is a test to determine whether someone is toxic or nourishing in your relationship with them. Here is the test: You have spent some time with this person, either you have a drink or go for dinner or you go to a ball game. It doesn’t matter very much but at the end of that time you observe whether you are more energized or less energized. Whether you are tired or whether you are exhilarated. If you are more tired then you have been poisoned. If you have more energy you have been nourished. The test is almost infallible and I suggest that you use it for the rest of your life." Via graphic design god & life artist, Milton Glaser #creativepowers #livebetter #howlforyourlife #tipsthattransform Read more: @kayharr73 @ladypantzz @thugunicorn @dharmaunicorn @miltonglaserinc


  1. Courageous. Perfect.

  2. Cheryl K Flury

    Beautifully said, Christy. I think most of us can share at least some of your experience. Thanks for telling your story.

  3. Pingback: To My Husband, At The End Of Our 25-Year Marriage – The Urban Howl

  4. Pingback: You Got This, Sisters — Because Your Soul Already Knows What It Needs – The Urban Howl

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