“Will you look into the mirror?”
“In place of the Dark Lord, you would have a Queen. Not dark but beautiful and as terrible as the Dawn. Treacherous as the Sea. Stronger than the foundations of the Earth. All shall love me and despair!” cries Galadriel before Fordo as he freely offers her the One Ring.
I remember some years back when the man I was dating kept goading me to embrace the Dark Goddess. He was fascinated by ‘Paganism and Earth Magik’. He was new to the tradition and imagined himself as a High Priest in the making — he had only just come out of the police force — and was full of ideas and fantasies.
One night like any other, he was pushing for Her to come. He was playing the role of bohemian velvet-clad risque Magician when I heard myself forwarning him. “Is this what you want?” “Because if you do, She will come.” Already my energy was changing. And I knew at this point that if his answer was no, it would be too late. She was already rising within me.
“Yes, I want this,” he said as he rubbed his bottom lip with a lacquered fingernail.
“Then you shall have Her!”
At that moment, I took charge and knew I had absolute control over him. I could have asked him to do anything and he would have done it. I felt the power rise within me. It was intoxicating, unruly, wild, and with no moral code what so ever.
It was a blaze of wildness, a fury of spiraling unleashed lifeforce. I wanted to show him what he was invoking and present before him, that which he asked for, knowing I would tip him way over the edge, an edge we could not come back from.
Even at that moment, I knew he would never be able to see me again, as the woman he once knew and wanted to be with. I knew I was ripping that picture of myself to shreds and tossing it to the wind.
More and more this wild force poured through me. I was witnessing it all, aghast at how far from myself I was travelling. I could see he was now having second thoughts and that I was frightening him. I could see he was thinking, “Shit — what is happening?”
More and more I danced and moved and breathed and finally, I reached the crescendo when I found myself telling him and showing him I could take his life by putting my fingers around his throat. I did not squeeze — but I could have — easily.
I will never forget the words I spoke just moments before She left: “In this moment I could take your life and wear your heart around my neck.”
Needless to say, we ended our relationship within days of this encounter, and have never spoken about it ever since. I didn’t realise just how troubled I have been by this. Only a few weeks ago I walked past the place where it happened and noticed my tummy clench with dark regret. So I stood there and prayed.
Breathing my way back to that time to bring some Light to the situation. As I softened and eased, and saw myself as I was, I realised I had done nothing wrong. I was not out of integrity.
He had come into contact with that which he desperately wanted to meet. I did not harm him in any way. Frighten him — yes! Give him something to remember — for sure.
The reason why I am writing this is to reveal just how real these presences are, and should you be carrying the Light of the Priestess, so you shall be carrying the Dark.
And if you too have had a similar situation — please don’t berate yourself for too long. I ask you — please don’t shut yourself off from that which you are, and must serve, fully. We all have to know first-hand what we are capable of becoming, and with wisdom, guide ourselves wisely to serve always the Highest Good.
Anaiya Sophia is an independent mystic of an almost forgotten faith, author and a teacher of Kundalini Yoga. She carries an Oral Transmission that stirs the remembrance of the Sophia, Isis, Magdalene lineage.
Her books include:
• Open your Heart with Kundalini Yoga (Harper Collins, 2002)
• Sacred Sexual Union (Inner Traditions, 2013)
• The Rose Knight (Lulu, 2014)
• Fierce, Fierce Feminine: One Woman’s Journey to Find Her Authentic Voice (Inner Traditions)
For more self-study, The Urban Howl recommends 52 Ways to Live a Kick-Ass Life: BS-Free Wisdom to Ignite Your Inner Badass and Live the Life You Deserve.
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