BY NANDI HETENYI
Grief is far from one tone. It is as layered, nuanced, and complex as our human experience.
We love deeply. Part of the loving is in the inevitable letting go of what we have loved. Letting the love morph, take a different shape that is sometimes no shape at all. That’s the part that hurts. That’s the part that makes us afraid to love again.
Grief is love.
It is the power of life and love and spirit urging you to keep your heart open, to keep loving and expanding, including even the lost bits in your mourning. Because, in every mourning, many of the ungrieved pieces arrive to see if your heart will stay open as a way of staking its claim on your wholeness.
Grieve what and who and how something has been lost. Know that some endings are traumatic; deepening the grief with questions the mind wants answered. Let your heart speak to your mind, to let the mind know that now the heart takes over.
Your heart is wise and strong and knows what to do. For its strength is in how deeply you love. This grief is a last act of loving what has been. This last act will change you. Do not let your mind interfere with figuring out facts and figures, next steps or moves to take.
Grieve your relationship to what’s been lost. Our life is a living breathing relationship. Inside and out. Our engagement with life creates these third parties…relationships; the containers in which we whisper and exchange, connect and disconnect, laugh and cry, find exiled parts, or birth ourselves into new ways of being.
The container is gone, but know it will reconfigure and continue to live inside of you.
Grieve the parts of you that are dying. In all the ways that grief arrives, she brings with us the metaphorical death of our self as we know it…begging us to surrender into the river of our endless becoming, never grasping on to this or that, only ever knowing for sure the shores of love are holding you up.
Let your grief reconfigure you into new ways, stretch your life in new directions, fostering seeds of new life yet to be lived.
Grief shows up in a myriad of ways. From death and loss, transitions, accidents, illness, spiritual awakening, growing out of one way of living and into another. It lives inside the healing of trauma and shame, letting go of addictions and habits, acknowledging disappointments, and in the tears that can flow when you finally let your body relax. The tension releases and fear makes way for rivers to melt open caverns breathing wings alive inside your soul.
To be human is to grieve.
It is life force energy expanding you, making contact between you, life, and all the hearts you love. Connect with your heart every day and allow it to open to you, to allow whatever is there to flow and be acknowledged.
Let go every day, to honor and love and praise every day, to move your body and allow your heartbeat to worship the power of love you fiercely call forth every time you open your heart.
Share your grief, know you are not alone in the collective experience of ugly cries and scared letting go of the reigns…and always leave offerings at the altar of forms your own personal grief takes.
For more self-study, The Urban Howl recommends The Confidence Gap: A Guide to Overcoming Fear and Self-Doubt.
Sip a little more: