As creatures of habit and creatures of attachment and creatures of expectations, and creatures who have unresolved shit — we have many tendencies that add complexity to the already hard time that we seem to have with change.
Change, even the absolute best kind for us, comes with a transition stage that isn’t always easy to navigate. Especially when we have strong attachments or expectations, for example, to any of that which is needing to change. Which is heightened even more so if the change wasn’t our call. Needing things to remain the same so that, in essence, we too can remain the same and not grow into our next space of consciousness.
We see this especially if change is with a person. Someone who needs — or needed to — take space away from the inside of any sort of relating-type-ship, that we may have shared.
We attach meaning to people and relating-type-ships that we use to identify self with. We create a false sense of safety in doing so and a false sense of self-worth, too. Inside these structures that we build, if someone needs to move away from us energetically it’s like something bad is being done to us, and often we project our unhealed parts their way.
Any part of self that we identified with someone else, and needed them to represent for us, crumbles when change happens, and space is now created. We are forced to be with the parts of self that drive those unaware needs that sit below them.
Often, we’ve attached to another in unhealthy ways or now we get to see an expectation that lurks in our shadow. Or the change can act as a trigger for some unhealed traumatic parts from the past, to be seen and now moved toward for healing. If we choose to.
Nonetheless, whatever it is that surfaces will differ from person to person, depending on what part of self is still looking to be developed and explored, healed and released. The point is, that a part of us becomes really exposed when change — especially unplanned or even uninitiated kinds — arrive. Change invites us to take a good hard look at what it is delivering us to see.
But looking at self in this way is a learned practice, and for those who are unwilling to look in, they will instead take changing situations personally, looking outward to blame or judge the other person harshly in some sort of dismissive way that our ego encouraged, in order to suit its fancy. When we are unpracticed at going within, we don’t know how to manage the situation with love.
Often instead, letting the fear and pain that comes up drive the bus. Really showing us to what is standing in the way of acting with love. And if that is confusing, just keep practicing going within when change arrives. It will lead you to the deepest love there is. It will help this to make much more sense.
Practice, practice, practice, consistently practice going within when it feels uncomfortable. Change is such a beautiful catalyst toward our next version of self, in so many ways. The invite is to meet the shadow parts within self, that much closer. To rise up and empower our experience by moving it all through self, and not diverting responsibility in any outward claims of blame, shame, or whatever way the shadow part of us asks us to act when it is unheard by us.
The shadow just wants to be loved, too. Accepted as it is. Heard when it speaks to us. Acknowledged when it’s actively present. And that’s the whole mission here — to love all parts of self, wholly. This includes our shadow!
In essence, we love with conditions though, and when someone or something goes against those conditions we have, creating a change in a way that we think something should be, we throw down. We use the conditions as reasons to fire shots outside us, to protect self from feeling whatever shadow bits that tend to bubble up in us from change.
This practice is avoiding self, based on our level of consciousness state. We constrict, place walls, and recoil into the darkness of our very own shadow. We struggle with our stuff that stands in the way of love, when someone makes a move that is best suited for them, but that we don’t like. But we can adapt a new practice. One that has us go within every time.
We do not need to hold the evolution of another against them because, in some sort of way, we see their needs as a slight against us. We can take on a practice that does not do that. We can see the needed steps that another needs to take, as not only expanding their own needed evolution, but also a gift to expand ours too.
Now that’s a practice of love!
Change always evokes evolution. Whether we want to go willingly or not. And, it’s all for love, too. Whether we agree with that or not. And adopting a practice that flows with, not against, and that goes inward, not out, for resolution, can help us with all the things that change brings our way.
So let’s take a good long look inward when change arrives. And if it’s a change in one of our relating-type-ships, take a peek for attachments, expectations — or how it is that we have made someone else’s journey about us.
Another person’s journey has absolutely nothing to do with, or have anything against, us. And if we feel that it does — it’s time to go within. Way, far, deeply, within. Shine your light of awareness brightly to see all the dark shadowy corners within!
Each person’s journey, into their own embodiment of wholeness, is unique and one of the biggest shake-downs we can experience sometimes. One that will catalyze our own — when someone needs to change a status-quo connection. And when this happens, we now know that we can choose to go inward with it for growth.
One that will start or enhance our practice of love when we do.
For more self-study, The Urban Howl recommends Tears to Triumph: The Spiritual Journey from Suffering to Enlightenment.
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