To All Of You Who Swallowed The Beauty Myth — They Lied


I’m sharing a story for all the women who swallowed the beauty myth — because they lied.

In 2013, I made the acquaintance of a woman in Spain. She was in her late fifties and she was a vibrant and vivacious woman. She had curves in all the right places and a brilliant personality. She was in touch with her inner sensuality. She used to hum with her feminine power. She had a husband who was madly in love with her (after 30 years together) and a life some would kill for.

For the most part, I really enjoyed her company. Yet I noticed that, sometimes, she would freeze mid-conversation, look at me in a strange way and shut down.

A little later in our acquaintance, during a meal with a few friends, she was on fire, but certain women in the room seemed to catch her attention and her face would turn to thunder. I could hear her whispering gossip with her best friend who was sat next to her. She was attacking these other women. The only thing they had in common was…they were thin.

As she got up to visit the restroom, her best friend turned to me, rolling her eyes and said “Don’t mind her. She has a massive problem with thin women.” Ooh, I thought.

“Thin women?” I asked.

“Yes, she has an issue with her weight. It’s really silly — you’ll get used to her.”

And it all made sense as I watched her continually freeze up. In that moment, I realized that she’d swallowed the beauty myth — she’d been told a lie.

I felt such empathy for her. Not sympathy but empathy. Not because she wasn’t thin, but because she had been told a lie. She was rocking it, my friend. She had it going on, yet the lie she had been told blocked all of her feminine power.

I wanted to reach inside of her and take that thought from her.

I wanted to hug the part of her that felt she was inadequate because she wasn’t “thin”.

Quite frankly, I wanted to go back in time and shake every person who had ever made her feel like she wasn’t a “goddess”.

Because that lie had wounded her and the wounded parts of her were rebelling. She was out of control.

But I couldn’t. I didn’t know her well enough and touching another person’s wounds, however gently, is very difficult.

I’ve lost contact with that woman but she still passes through my mind. I think of all the connections with other women that she may have lost. All the times this beautiful goddess stood in front of the mirror, chastising herself because someone or many people told her lies.

Which is why I am so passionate about dispelling the beauty myth. For all the women out there who feel inadequate because they too have been told a lie. A big fat one. A lie called the Beauty Myth.

I talk about the beauty myth and how to grow wilder as you grow older in my Growing Wilder E-Course, by connecting with your feminine energy. Women who feel and look their best are the ones who grow wilder. Join me and awaken your wild spirit.

For more self-study, The Urban Howl recommends Love Your Body.

Sip a little more:

Love Yourself Through, Friends — Because Empathy Starts With You

Beware The Saviour Complex: There Is Only One Person You Can Save And That Is You

Find Your Roar: Nice Girls Don’t Get Angry

"The essence of your beauty does not lie in the shape of your breasts or the height of your cheekbones. It is not found in the flatness of your tummy or the roundness of your ass. The essence of your beauty lies in your ability to unapologetically own all of your pieces and lovingly embrace your whole self." —Jessica Basken of @rivermoonyoga ➵ Sip a little more from Jessica's magic here: @kayharr73 @ladypantzz @tanyamarkul @thugunicorn


  1. I love this! It is such an intense thought to struggle with. Thank you for bringing it to the light.

  2. Pingback: She Is All That: 10 Traits Of A Strong Woman – The Urban Howl

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