BY R. JADE MCAULIFFE

Sometimes, as suicide loss survivors, we’re not always sure we’re going to make it.

Just getting out of bed can be a superhuman feat…

and leaving the house can take every ounce of courage we’re able to muster.

And making small talk?

Well, that becomes infinitely more complicated.

And those dreaded questions…

“Where have you been?” “How are you doing?” or “What have you been up to?”

It’s tough to answer those honestly when we know the answers will only be met with other predictable questions like, “Why?” or “What happened?”

Sigh…

Do we really have to remind you? (And, no, we haven’t gotten over it yet. We never will.)

It isn’t easy showing up as our new selves when people keep expecting our old selves to make a reappearance.

So, here’s what we need you to understand: Our old selves were annihilated…

and, sometimes, hiding is easier than explaining where we’ve been, how we’re doing, or what we’ve been up to.

We know it isn’t really fair to you…these are innocent questions, and you have a right to ask.

Just please don’t expect us to be who we once were, because that’s an impossibility.

So, what have we been doing?

Surviving.

We’re not sick, we’re not unstable, and we’re not to blame.

We’re heartbroken.

We’ve been navigating remains of our fractured families…

we’ve been piecing together shards of shattered hearts…

and we’re learning to trust that life still has our backs…

because suicide has blown our sense of safety and stability into oblivion.

Please understand this journey is grueling, and we’re just trying to stay.

So, sometimes, we have to hide away for a while from a world that doesn’t understand…

just so we can.

Please stay close and be patient as we recover and fumble to find our new “normal.”

Know that compassion, acceptance, and validation are underestimated healers.

We are in the fight of our lives, and we can’t do this alone.

So, serve in practical ways when you can, and hold space for us when you can’t.

Just be careful not to blame, shame, or judge, because suicide won’t discriminate,

but it will offer exclusive access to the club no one wants to join.

Photo by Danielle MacInnes on Unsplash

For more self-study, The Urban Howl recommends The Universe Has Your Back: Transform Fear to Faith.

Sip a little more:

Confessions Of A Grieving Co-Dependent, Who’s Now With Her One True Love

 

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