“The flower doesn’t think to compete with the flower next to it. It just blooms.” ~ Zen Shin
Over the years, as I have developed self-love and acceptance of myself, I’ve come to realise the importance of surrounding myself with people who have similar values and the same attitude to life. There is little point in increasing my self-worth and confidence if I have people around me who would willingly try to knock me down.
The people I choose to have around me tend to be kind and supportive. We are happy for each other’s successes, ready to give a few words of support in times of need. We don’t compare ourselves and there is one quality we don’t carry or project at each other — jealousy.
We are all too busy trying to bloom in our own lives, like sunflowers in a field. We don’t stand next to each other, our faces turned down to the shadows, comparing ourselves. We stand tall, turning our faces towards the sun and do our best to shine on.
There’s no doubt about it, comparing ourselves is a slippery slope to one thing — jealousy.
Feminine jealousy is one of the biggest problems faced by women today, which usually arises from the act of comparing ourselves to others and finding ourselves lacking in some way. It’s the number one way of shouting out to the world, “I feel I am not good enough.” Instead of doing the work to improve self-confidence and happiness, it is easier to try to make the person who has triggered the feelings of jealousy feel bad about themselves.
Whether you suffer from jealousy or you are on the receiving end of someone’s jealousy, it’s a dreadful emotion to feel.
It doesn’t just put a barrier up between people, it causes real harm. There’s no doubt about it, jealousy can cause people to act in illogical and insidious ways, all in an attempt to bring another person down just to make themselves feel better.
When a person compares themselves to others it’s another way of putting their self-worth in someone else’s hands and it will metaphorically kill them. It will kill their self-worth and confidence. It will kill their relationships and friendships. It will destroy their inner happiness. It will get in the way of everything they want to achieve. You can’t light your own candle and shine by trying to blow out another person’s light.
The answer is for people to stop comparing themselves to others and get busy creating a life that they are happy with. Every person is unique. We all have positive attributes and work-in-progress areas. If a person constantly compares themselves to others, there may be times that they feel they are “better” but, be sure, there will be more times where they feel others are “better” than them. But they’re not. They are just different.
If you find yourself on the receiving end of jealousy, take a page from my book. I weed out any people in my life who display or act in a jealous way. I don’t want the chaos that a jealous person brings into my life, and it never ends well. The friendship will be over sooner or later, and it saves me the grief of dealing with the negative behaviour that jealousy usually brings.
Women try to tame themselves as they get older but the women who feel and look the best are the ones who grow wilder. Join me on my Growing Wilder E-Course and awaken your wild spirit.
For more self-study, The Urban Howl recommends The Mastery of Love: A Practical Guide to the Art of Relationship: A Toltec Wisdom Book.
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