By Brianna Florian POETIC JUSTICE

I Am What You Observe Me To Be, I Am A Dirty Woman

dirty woman worth

BY BRIANNA FLORIAN

What am I but a figment of my own imagination?
What am I but what you observe me to be?

I am a dirty woman
The one who brushes her teeth without toothpaste
The one who extends “No-Shave November” into May
The one who wears the same outfit three days in a row
The one who refuses to use shampoo or body wash
The one whose mustache grows thicker than Sasquatch’s
The one who wears 2-year-old thongs; the stench undeniable
The one who lives in a car

How dare I park in your 24-Hour Fitness parking lot
How dare I sleep naked because the morning Vegas heat beating through my car windows is unbearable
How dare I take the easy way out
How dare I sleep in a car when you work your ass off for that house
How dare I live “free” when you are shackled by your lack of imagination
How dare I be proud of myself

Proud to face my demons
Proud to carry a confidence you never allowed me to have
Proud to say I am BriBriFresh

Fresh perspective following each moment in the timeline I call life
Fresh out of jail after telling BLM to fuck off
Fresh skid marks on your driveway to remind you of the day I left
The day I stood up for my dirty soul

Thank you for all the grenades you watched blow me to pieces
Thank you for all the wooden spoons you broke spanking my ass
Thank you for every slap in the face
Thank you for telling me I would never amount to anything

You fueled my fire
You challenged me to prove myself
You gave me a million reasons to never give up
You created a monster
Numb to feelings
Without emotion, I trek on
No money could buy the mask I’ve created

In the end…you were always right
I am nothing
I see death in my eyes
I see the shadows that consume my mind
I see a fish gasping for breath

I see 4-year-old Brianna crying behind the couch when pops left
I see 7-year-old Brianna screaming, sobbing, banging on your locked bedroom door
I see 14-year-old Brianna leaving the OBGYN with a prescription for birth control, yet no understanding of sexual intercourse
I see 17-year-old Brianna leaving a wrecked home
I see 22-year-old Brianna frantically trying to escape a past darker than the backside of the moon
I see the hugs that I never received
I see the kisses I never felt
I see the secrets I still hide from you

The secrets I hide from everyone
Because I am a dirty woman

The filth has stained my soul
The words have punctured every inch of my being
I believe every nasty opinion you throw as if I am robbing you of your identity

I am what you observe me to be
I am my hazed imagination

 

Brianna Florian book

 

Brianna Florian’s book, “Duel” is available worldwide.

Click here to order your copy now!

 

 

 

Photo by Shifaaz shamoon on Unsplash

For more self-study, The Urban Howl recommends Women Who Run with the Wolves.

Sip a little more:

23 Ways To Love Yourself

A Short & Sweet Reminder To Believe In Magic & Stay Humble

Where Can I Find Such Friends, An Extended & Unconditional Family?

"I used to think that dealing with my inner sh*t, and all of the outer BS, had to happen in a certain clean and tidy way. Like I had to be composed. Like I had to hold it all together. Like it was supposed to be EASY. It took me YEARS (if not decades) to give myself permission to BE PISSED OFF, to let go of my inhibitions, and to let HEALING be dirty, messy, wild and the most opposite of proper or pretty. And it’s taken even LONGER for my heart seamstress to free my vocal chords, so that I could give a VOICE to my frustration, angst, stuck-ness, hopelessness, sadness and pain!" Read more: http://bit.ly/2coeCJo —Tanya Markul of Thug Unicorn by Tanya Markul #youarethemagic #struggletosparkle #youareworthy @kayharr73 @ladypantzz @thugunicorn @dharmaunicorn

#DIRTYWOMAN

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  1. Vicki Koritnik

    Wow! I have no words but feel every bit of your life you exposed me to. I’m so sorry for everything they did to you.

    • Vicki! Thank you. No need to be sorry. It made me who I am today! I wrote this poem two years ago and just the writing of it helped me release and grow past the trauma! The stories no longer haunt me.

      If you’d like, we can keep in touch or talk more on social media!

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