BY CARMELLE CRINNION
A bench seat, fitted with a plaque for a man whose life is remembered, sits facing the vast ocean expanse. A loving father to two young children, a husband, brother, son, uncle, and friend. A 37-year-old man now gone.
Two red silk carnations form a cross on a square brass plaque with a little bird in the corner. The bench sits on the precipice of a sheer rock face only meters away from a direct free-fall to the rocky outcrop, where waves crash relentlessly, consuming all that is on offer, greedily sucking it into a tumultuous ride in its foam-tipped vacuum of oxygen-depleted depths.
Why is it that at the time closest to intentionally closing the chapter of being human, the bravest acts are undertaken? What has become so devastatingly despairing that to escape this body appears to be the only answer left? Surely we came here better equipped, able to recognize the symptoms leading to a strategy of seeming escape. What exactly are we escaping? Is grief the catalyst? Loneliness, depression, relationship breakdowns, regret, failure?
Why is it that the bravery to take a final step into death, into the unknown and infinite is fueled so strongly, yet the thought of continuing to live a finite life which may never be experienced again is unworthy of the challenge of rising beyond circumstances which appear unconquerable?
Death is seen as a journey into the unknown, so often feared. Suicidal thoughts and preparation take a person on a journey that offers a solution. Do they know what is on the other side? We weren’t born into this life with that knowing, which is why mystery and fear surround the inevitable crossing over.
So how can a person be so brave and carry such conviction to take the plunge into the greatest fear of all? Because it offers escape. Escape from the mess, chaos and misery, loneliness and despair.
What if we could capture and bottle this absolute single-minded focus and inject it into our veins each time we feel rejected by life, defeated by circumstance, depressed and anxious. The suicide vaccination. A vaccination so potent it would require us to completely step away from the current reality of despair and only have the tunnel-visioned focus on where we are going each moment, step by step, and begin to plan for the greatest outcome of all while still alive in this body.
Before suicide, the person almost always says goodbye in their own way, discreetly yet with finality, a little sadness but so much relief for what is to come — freedom from an unacceptable life, a life that became derailed and unable to find those tracks again.
What if this could be adapted and utilized in life, seeing our greatest fears as the greatest purpose and catalyst to make the changes happen? Death is such a paradigm shift, mysterious and revered, feared and yet, in this circumstance, longed for. A true paradox.
The afterlife has such an alluring and desirous attraction when coming from a place of devastation and despair. So much so that it becomes exciting to plan the exit strategy from life to afterlife. I say this from the experience of losing three people to suicide, all of them in their early thirties.
What if they remembered? What if we remembered?
Remembered what we were thinking at the moment we plummeted from before-life to life. The other end of the spectrum.
What would that look like?
I imagine that the decision to enter a human body and experience time and space with free will and no set agenda would be equivalent to Spirit Lotto. An opportunity to enter an extension of the spirit that we all are, and to experience another dimension of expansion.
That, to me, is what life is. An opportunity that limitless souls are vying to have the privilege to encounter. Even the angels don’t have the capabilities we have, which is why we often feel guided by angels and loved ones who have passed over — they’re literally telling us to make the most of being human! Hey! Stop getting caught up in that and look at this! So many people feel the presence and guidance of passed on souls.
What would you imagine you were thinking in those moments prior to seeding into a human body? What would you most like to experience in life form? Knowing that whatever you choose to experience, you will need to experience the opposite of it at some stage. I mean, how would we know sound without the absence of it, or color, or music, or forgiveness, humility, compassion, and love.
How would the excitement of entering this life resemble the desperate desire to leave it?
I wonder, if we could converse with those who have chosen to move from this reality to the next, what would they say?
Many have used mediums to connect with their loved ones to seek comfort. But what if our inquiry went next level, beyond the grief and the loss, the regrets and guilt and blame. Beyond the emotional level and into the soul-space where the answers were detached from the human aspect.
Would the quest for freedom from the perceived entrapment of our human existence be key? It would seem so.
To open ourselves to hear from the ones who have consciously chosen this resolution would be to open a Pandora’s box, a treasure trove of potentiality. I imagine it wouldn’t satisfy the questions we think we have, coming from the perspective of often highly-charged emotional turmoil.
It would take us beyond, and provide us with an education from a soul’s experience of both ends of the scale of life. We could embrace an opportunity to rise into the echelons of higher awareness, into a place of perception. Thus allowing us to understand a life examined from every aspect, from our rapacious quest to enter human form, to our devoted mission to consciously exit, then experiencing the resulting extension of our spirit that we created in the life we lived.
For more self-study, The Urban Howl recommends The Confidence Gap: A Guide to Overcoming Fear and Self-Doubt.
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