To My Future Lover: I Won’t Make Sense To You, But I Will Be Magical


I will never make sense to you.
So don’t even try to understand me.
But yes, do love me,
in ways you love best
in ways I digest being loved better.

Do honor me.
All of me.
Not only my shiny eyes,
or my soft curves,
or my tasty lips
but honor my sharp mind
and my wisdom equally.

Honor my strength
and allow me to be strong
when I’m at my best
and hold me silently
when I’m at my worst.

Do see me.
All of me.
The darkest me,
the ugliest me,
the most vulnerable me,
the tearful me,
the strongest me,
and the most gorgeous parts of me.

Don’t see only
fragments of me,
for I’m not whole
without all the corners
of my existential being.

I will never make sense to you.
The ways my spirit moves.
The ways I drink life
as if it was an old delicious red wine.
But I will always fascinate you
with magical moments like that,
so you can taste my weirdness
and feel the kind of fire
that runs through my veins,
and perhaps experience
a being in a woman’s body
who is so different
and weirdly amazing
from all those souls
in women’s bodies you have ever met before meeting me.

I will never make sense to you,
but I will always surprise you
if you let me,
if you set me free.

I won’t ever make sense to anyone,
because I’m a flying wind,
and a restless bird,
that travels over oceans
and skies you have never seen before.

So no, I won’t make any sense to you,
perhaps never,
the way I am wired,
the way my soul travels
through the stages of life
as an actress
entering and exiting
different scenes and characters,
dropping all those masks
to finally come undone,
home to myself.

I won’t make sense to you
but I will be a kind of magic
you only experience in movies.
And I will be a real magic…
a dark mystery,
filled with pleasure and heartbeats,
joy and playfulness.

I will love you genuinely,
I simply cannot grasp any other way
of loving someone.

I enter the source of love
upside down,
meaning I trust love so much
and I trust the people I love
to the point of having my heart bleed
or cracked.

But I have learned how to allow cracks
open my heart more,
and so I’m learning to not be scared
any longer,
anytime love comes on my door,
and it does not happen that often.

So when it comes
I worship it.
I won’t worship you,
I will worship our love.
I will honor you instead.
All of you.
If you dare to be completely naked
before me.
Not only to show me your body
but your long-forgotten hidden scars
that only the night hours of your
sleepless nights know of.

I won’t make sense to you,
when you see the child in me
or the insecure teen I once was
or my seductresses and sensual nature or all of my playful spirit.

I won’t make sense to you,
because I’m a combination
of contradictions
that fall in the right place at the right time.

I won’t make sense to you,
because know that women like me,
are not for the faint of the heart.
Women like me,
are genuine, wild, savage,
playful yet aware,
seductive yet wise.

I won’t make any sense to you,
perhaps never,
but you will experience a different kind of love being loved by me,
or just being in my presence.

And I’m sure it will feel the same way for me,
to be close to you just to feel your arms
around me in silence
as you caress my windy hair
and silk skin,
while I paint your eyes into the sky
with that deep, clear blue
and see in you nothing less
than a vast beautiful sky,
being my canvass for a while,
your face in my hands.

I won’t ever make sense to you,
when you will try to make love to me…
because I cannot get naked with you,
or undress my spirit,
if you cannot fuck my mind first.
I need you to penetrate my brain,
and stimulate my imagination.

You will have to undress me with
the way you look at me,
the way you smell me,
the way your body shivers
as it presses against mine.

You will have to
remove my clothes dancing with me…
enjoying every inch of my bare skin
as you touch hidden areas
of my body with your careful attention
and genuine intention
to feed me with your hands.
You will have to feed my body
with the way you touch my sensual zones,
under my skin.

I won’t make sense to you,
the way I make love,
but it will shock you
and take you to a different level of your being,
because my way of sex is not only
explosively sexual,
it is explosively transformational.
It is very much spiritual.
I breath compassionate passion throughout
the process of bodies intertwined.

I won’t be the same.
And you won’t either
after we have made love.
And take me to the bathtub
after we had made love,
sit in front of me,
and allow me to clean your hair
with my hands
as you pull me closer to your chest.
Allow my breast to warm your fingertips
as water washes away
everything we used to be
and creates new drops
of who we become each day
by simply choosing to
love each other
in ways we have never loved before.

Because we choose to.
Because we have learned to love our beings first.
Because together
we will make the world better
with the way we are
and the way we love.

But until we meet,
I won’t settle,
because I’m busy discovering who I am
in this journey called self-love.

Photo by on Unsplash

For more self-study, The Urban Howl recommends The Inner Voice of Love: A Journey Through Anguish to Freedom.

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At The Urban Howl, you won’t find any doors leading you away from your life. We’ll guide you deeper in. Another world is not only possible, it’s here. Around you and within you. It’s where the forest meets the city limits; where your dreams touch concrete. It’s where the light touches the enchanted forest; where your pulse meets infinity. It’s spiritual electricity. It’s wild imagination. It’s autonomous action. Get ready to embark on a path that will enliven your life, give personal meaning, and possibly save the world. Welcome to the frontline of the NEW magical paradigm . . . . . .




Ilda is a free spirit. She was born with an urge to taste life in all possible ways. She is learning to squeeze the juice out of every single moment even in the most challanging times. She is an artist, writer, poet, a beginner painter and a dancer. She is an advocate for all things and people with essence that want to make a difference and bring change in the world. Ilda is the author of one self-published book on Amazon titled It is You searching for You, a collection of poems and reflections for a life gone and the seach to build a new one. Ilda is working on her second book-project called "All the wrong men she loved" - a book for both women and men about the tides and ebbs of love relationships. You can find her on Instagram or Facebook.

  1. Beautiful!

  2. Thank you Al

  3. Pingback: When We Experience A Crack Inside Our Hearts & The Ink Starts Spilling All Over... - The Urban Howl

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