Today, I am firmly planted in my victimhood.

I’ve decided I like it here.

I think I’ll stay.

They have great pepperoni pizza and chocolate chip ice cream sandwiches here.

I’m currently taking applications for a partner in pure lust and codependency. Past experience in extreme drama and all types of abuse required. Provide references that I can confer with behind your back to then spew at you in our first woundology bonding ritual.

Today I look at those who are currently robbing me of money, material things, and time, and I hate you, all of you, for taking advantage of me and my children, for saying words that you don’t mean, for forcing me to be alone in my current circumstances and for looking me in my eyes, smiling, and saying the words you know I want to hear while your malicious intent grabs me, pulls me back, and rapes me as I try to walk away.

Today I decide to unheal, to pretend I don’t know better.

I decide that I want to live in the collective unconscious because, in truth, this is one big circus, a never-ending maze of clowns with no way out.

Today my victimhood hates every last one of you and this entire shit hole of a planet.

Today I am weak.

Today I am small.

Today I am disconnected.

Today I am abandoned.

Today I am completely alone.

Today my full spiritual toolbox is ignored. I pretend it, too, is empty as I sit in the icky sticky muck of my powerlessness.

There is nothing I can do about this.

It is what I deserve, my karmic debts coming back to haunt me yet again.

No, I don’t want someone to hold space and just listen with love.

Fuck off.

Leave me alone.

Just let me sit here alone in this world I’ve created in my unworthiness.

Photo by Sam Burriss on Unsplash

For more self-study, The Urban Howl recommends Women Who Run with the Wolves.

Sip a little more:

The Connection Of Our Heart’s Vibration: Adventures Of An Ashram Mom, Part 2

Look Me In The Eyes — This Is Just The Beginning

I Am Here Anytime You Want To Come Closer — I Am Love