I see it now.
It is so clear.
The depth of the human imprint of frenzied impatience, of animalistic defense.
It is that moment in childhood where I got stuck.
Although there were many, it only took one and it has been a deeply subconscious program I’ve now carried for my entire adult life.
It’s how I drive, so fast.
It’s how I have sex, so passionately.
It’s how I eat, so ravenously.
None of it the conscious, peaceful vibration of love.
All of it the passive, aggressive defense of a child being violated.
It’s all the unhealed childhood imprint of wanting the abuse to be over and suppressing the impatient frenzy, wanting to fight back so badly and holding it down.
That subconscious imprint has ruled my life.
I look at the planet, how we hurt ourselves and one another, and I know this imprint is running rampant.
Today, I make my frenzied, impatient, fighting beast conscious.
I invite her to share the light with me.
I remind her that just as plants create oxygen so we can live, we, humans, are here to create the pure vibration of love in absolutely all we do so that we can thrive.
We are here to slow it down, to make quiet, peaceful love to the beast inside.
We are here to savor, to enjoy, to make love in every moment of life.
To eat in the peace of the conscious vibration of love.
To join together in the peace of the conscious vibration of love.
To drive, to work, to create from the peace of the conscious vibration of love.
And to be reminded that anything I do that is not from that vibration is simply an invitation to return inside of me, to do the work, to invite Source with me inside, to be the bearer of the light for me when I do not know how and to teach me to make love to all parts of myself.
Then and only then can I heal to extend to the world as the Source of Love I AM intended to be on this planet.
That is the truth of living a tantric life.