BY CHRISTIE DEL VESCO MIND RISE

The Ahhhhhhhh, Perfect Comfort of a Hot Shower

shower rebirth

BY CHRISTIE DEL VESCO

Mmmmmmm, hot showers are such perfect, quiet, solitary bliss!

The indisputable, absolute, untouchable, never-changing, foundational, pure, simple pleasure of life…

Ahhhhhhhh, yes, thank you, Divine, for this perfect hot shower!

Slowly…

Deliberately…

Drink.

It.

In.

The hot water…

Holding you.

Comforting you.

Keeping you safe and warm.

Reminding you that you aren’t alone, ever.

Breathe deeply into that perfection.

Begging it to never end.

Wishing it to go on forever.

Savoring the total grace of the experience.

Returning me instantly to the exact moment in utero, the “Oh shit, what have I done???!!!” moment, when the cold of this incarnation hit home…

Hard, for the very first time.

Returning me instantly to the exact moment in utero when the insatiable, unending, lifelong quest to find warmth, safety, and connection outside of myself began.

Breathe that in.

Sit with that.

Really settle in to the depth of that discomfort…

That fear…

It is past fear.

It is terror.

It is panic.

It is an indescribable, excruciating frenzy…

That disconnect.

That aloneness.

Sit in it.

Breathe.

It.

In.

Acknowledge my life’s decisions.

All of them.

All that came from that one instant, all encompassing, undeniable,

deep

black

hole

of earthly separation.

The exact moment my consciousness met this human vehicle.

The exact moment the desperate quest began.

The seeking ensued.

My life that has followed.

Exhaustion.

Trying to find my way home.

The never-ending exhaustion.

Just simply trying to reconnect.

Trying to find the u-turn.

Oh, my God!

What happened?

Where am I?

I didn’t mean to turn down this road.

How the hell did I end up here?

This void.

This isolation.

This is not what I signed up for, God.

Take me back.

Please.

Just take me back.

I’m sorry for whatever I did to deserve this dark, lonely hole of my own private hell.

Please!

Please, take me back to your safe, warm, loving womb,

In my perfect shower…

I pretend I am still home with you.

Photo by Seth Doyle on Unsplash

For more self-study, The Urban Howl recommends Women Who Run with the Wolves.

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Christie Del Vesco

Christie Del Vesco is a College Administrator and Professor, a Universalist Minister, a member of the RAINN (Rape, Abuse, & Incest National Network) Speakers Bureau and single mom. She's a survivor, a thriver, a seeker, a rebel and a teacher. Chris is a firm believer that we go through what we do, to help others when they go through the same. She also believes that we would all just be the change, we can change the world. You can find more of Chris' writings on Facebook, and more information on her courses, workshops, support groups and community offerings can be found here.

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