Mmmmmmm, hot showers are such perfect, quiet, solitary bliss!
The indisputable, absolute, untouchable, never-changing, foundational, pure, simple pleasure of life…
Ahhhhhhhh, yes, thank you, Divine, for this perfect hot shower!
The hot water…
Keeping you safe and warm.
Reminding you that you aren’t alone, ever.
Breathe deeply into that perfection.
Begging it to never end.
Wishing it to go on forever.
Savoring the total grace of the experience.
Returning me instantly to the exact moment in utero, the “Oh shit, what have I done???!!!” moment, when the cold of this incarnation hit home…
Hard, for the very first time.
Returning me instantly to the exact moment in utero when the insatiable, unending, lifelong quest to find warmth, safety, and connection outside of myself began.
Breathe that in.
Sit with that.
Really settle in to the depth of that discomfort…
It is past fear.
It is terror.
It is panic.
It is an indescribable, excruciating frenzy…
Sit in it.
Acknowledge my life’s decisions.
All of them.
All that came from that one instant, all encompassing, undeniable,
of earthly separation.
The exact moment my consciousness met this human vehicle.
The exact moment the desperate quest began.
The seeking ensued.
My life that has followed.
Trying to find my way home.
The never-ending exhaustion.
Just simply trying to reconnect.
Trying to find the u-turn.
Oh, my God!
Where am I?
I didn’t mean to turn down this road.
How the hell did I end up here?
This is not what I signed up for, God.
Take me back.
Just take me back.
I’m sorry for whatever I did to deserve this dark, lonely hole of my own private hell.
Please, take me back to your safe, warm, loving womb,
In my perfect shower…
I pretend I am still home with you.